You're still God...

1/22/11

It was our first Sunday back at Church since the funeral. I stepped out of bed knowing it would be a tough day. I wondered how many times I would cry and how many hugs I would receive, but I was thankful anyway as my family headed out the door. I debated even putting makeup on, which if you know me, this is a very rare occurrence. I do not like to go anywhere without my makeup. =)

I don't remember a whole lot of the beginning of the service, I cried and cried. Just before my Pastor got up to preach though a song was sung. I listened to the words as Amanda sang and I cried more...

I thought that it would happen, to anyone but me.
I never dreamed that I would carry this heavy burden on my knees.
I never thought that I'd be standing just where I stand today.
I've never known this kind of heartbreak,
I've never known this kind of pain.

But you're still God when my eyes have cried a million tears.
You're still God when my last hope has disappeared.
You're still God and I know you'll make a way somehow,
You're still God and your holding me right now....

My heart can't find the answer or the reason for this trial.
But I know your ways are perfect and you've been watching all the while.
For to me you've proven faithful time and time again,
And I'm learning Lord to trust even when I don't understand

But you're still God when my eyes have cried a million tears.
You're still God when my last hope has disapeared.
You're still God and I know you'll make a way somehow.
You're still God and your holding me right now.
You're still God and your holding me right now.

Wow, what words. What truth. What a song...

I felt like another song had been written and sung just for me. It was like God breathed those comforting words into that music and He was holding me as I listened. I watched my Husband sitting up on the platform with the same expression I had. Wow. And as I looked at him and he looked at me we both knew what each other was thinking... HE IS STILL GOD!

Tell me that He's not still God. Tell me I should be angry. Tell me you think I'm fake and all this talk of God's grace isn't real. Tell me that and I will tell you....

You're wrong!

He is still God and I praise Him for it! I understand and know that everyone reading this may not know the Lord. You may not be a Christian. You may not have a peace and grace when you go through trials. Let me tell you, you can!

I fall and I fail but He is still God. I may not understand this all and may question from time to time because I'm still human. I hope you can understand this. I hope you can know.

After an amazing song and preaching service I went home encouraged. Very sad, still heartbroken, but encouraged.

I have to admit, I feel like a bit of a roller coaster these days. Up and down, up and down. And to be honest, I've embraced that. It's all a part of the grieving process and I am smack in the middle of it.

When I started feeling down again later that day, I decided to read some of the many, many messages I've received in my facebook inbox. And if you have been one of the many who have written to encourage me, let me tell you THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. They have helped me so very much.

I had been reading a few a day and taking one mesage at a time in hopes not to become too overwhelmed. The very first message that I went to and the first message I opened on this day, read this...

"I know you don't know me, but I wanted to let you know that I have prayed for you and your family! I too have lost a child...my son was 5 days old. I don't understand why God allows a parent to suffer such loss, but I do know that He is still God. The McKamey's song "You're Still God" was the song that spoke to me when my Dyllon passed away. I hope that somehow it will speak to you as well. If you would like to "friend" me and ever "talk", I would love to be a listening ear..."

Coincidence?

I don't think so... That's my God and He is SO VERY REAL!