One month since Maddie...

2/6/11

Today it has been one month since Maddie Grace was born. I never imagined that I would be celebrating a one month birthday with Maddie not here, but in Heaven. I still can't believe that one of the most joyous precious days of my life turned out in this outcome. But I do know this.

I love her.

With every part of my being, I love her. I would have given the world to her and if given the chance, I would've given my life in exchange for keeping hers. She is my heart and my soul.

I miss her.

On January the 6th when she came into this world, my life changed. I became a mother to the most beautiful baby girl this world could hold. She has made me so much of a better person and she has taught me so much more about love and life than I knew existed.

When I first set eyes on her that evening, I melted. What a precious gift. Holding her and snuggling her are still fresh in my mind. Her beautiful eyes looking up at me is a vision that will never leave me. I was her Mommy and she knew. She was my Maddie and she always will be. I will talk of her the rest of my life. I will share of her grace and how though her life God has given me His.

I will remember watching my sweet Husband fall in love again with this child we created. I will remember how much she looked like him. Some days, I find myself staring at him as I picture her face. She loved him.

I will remember the way that her 2 older brothers were in awe of her beauty. I will remember how they both just looked at her. I will remember how Eli said "She looks like me" and he was right. I get to see her everyday when I look at him. I will remember how she had Noah's dimpled chin. The same chin I kissed over and over. I will remember how he calmed her. What a sweet moment.

We won't forget sweet Maddie. For how could we?

She was desired.

She was created.

She was delivered.

She was us.

And she was and still is loved.

I think of the joy that entered our lives the moment she was born. And for 39 precious hours, she gave us pure joy and perfect love.

I will never forget cuddling my sweet girl on my chest and feeling her snuggle her sweet face to mine. I will remember listening to her breathe and feeling her sweet breath against my skin. I will remember brushing her hair and watching her be so content. I will remember watching her smack her lips together while looking for food. I will remember feeding her and how loud she cried when I wasn't. I will remember kissing her sweet cheeks over and over again.

I will never forget.

When the Lord called her home we were heartbroken and still are, but we remember. I remember kissing her goodbye for the last time knowing that my life was forever changed, never to be the same. I remember walking out of the hospital empty handed, feeling so helpless.

I also remember the grace God has given me and continues to give me as I now walk a road of grief and sorrow. A road that no one wants to walk down. A road that has left me heartbroken and full of sadness, but still, God is good.

For my God remembers me during this time and He knows exactly how to comfort me. He gives me peace. He gave me her. How can I say He's not a good God? He gave me Maddie.

Maddie's sweetness consumes me on a daily basis. I can't help but think how much God must love us to have given us such a precious little girl.

Then my mind wanders to how much more He loved us to have given us His Son. There is no love like the love of God. John 3:16

So on this 6th day of February, I remember.

I will remember sweet Madeline Grace Ross who entered this world on January the 6th with a job to do. To bring more love than any family could ever imagine and to bring the grace of God to our lives.

Happy one month Maddie Grace. You are loved and you are missed. <3

Psalms 71:3-7 For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.
By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother's bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee.
I am as a wonder unto many; but thou art my strong refuge.