I wanted to take a moment and reflect back for just a little while to before all the heartache, before all the pain and sorrow. I want to go back to a wonderful day in November when joy and excitement were the ONLY things that crossed my mind.
I want to go back to my Baby Shower...
For something special happened this day that I wanted to explain before I moved on into my next entry...
November the 20th was one of my many precious memories during my pregnancy. I was about 8 months along with my sweet Maddie Grace. Adrian had decided to throw my shower and was so excited to use lots of pink for my girl. For those of you who know me, you know how much of a "pink" girlie girl that I truly am as well.
The shower was actually a baby brunch and everything was a "sugar and spice" theme. It was absolutely precious. So much thought and detail went into that shower and I was loving everything from the decor to the delicious brunch foods. What a perfect amazing day.
Everything was wonderful!
I remember I couldn't stop smiling that day. I was so full of joy and was overwhelmed with God's goodness to me. As I opened presents I remember tearing up a couple of times. I think I was just so excited and a little overwhelmed that I truly was having a girl. I apologized through the tears but in my heart I was just so thankful to be having this baby, and so thankful for all the people there that day who were a part of us. My family and friends spoiled us rotten and I loved every second of it.
As we got to the game portion of the shower I remember being excited. I knew that Annette had asked Rick and the boys some questions and was going to ask the same ones to me and compare our answers. As she went through the questions and I answered them, I was having so much fun. I remember thinking "Wow" Rick and I really do know each other so well. We got almost all of the questions right.
Then, as she asked one certain question it took me back. She said "What lullaby will Rick sing to Baby Maddie?"
I had to think...
Well, I know my husband. He is a singer, he sings all the time; in the house, in the car, everywhere. I thought back to when the boys were little and there were certain songs that came to mind.
I explained that Rick didn't sing lullabies but instead he would always sing hymns to the boys. So many nights, when the boys were babies I can recall Rick walking around the room holding them and singing. He has such a calm soothing voice and the boys absolutely loved hearing him sing. So did I. =)
So, to answer the question I said he would sing hymns. Then I remembered a certain song that stuck out. I said I think "There's just something about that name" was the song. I remember hearing this song over and over again. I didn't know why he always chose this song to sing, I just knew he did. I actually found it odd one time that this was the song he sang, but it was, and it always soothed the boys.
I couldn't believe what happened next.
Not only was I right, but Rick's mom then informed us that this was the exact song that she used to sing to Rick is a baby...so many years ago.
We called Rick in from the other room and asked him if he remembered this.
He didn't. (CHILLS)
How precious that this sweet song from his childhood stayed with him all these years. So much so that this was exact song that he chose to soothe our children to sleep.
How precious that his sweet Mom rocked him and sang these very same words to him as a baby.It was such a precious moment.
Isn't it sweet how God lets us have such special moments in childhood? I love that. Life is full of special moments and I'm so thankful for them.
So, back to the shower, it was amazing. I walked away that day with a van full of gifts, such sweet memories and a precious thought. So many people love Madeline and I. So many people were looking so forward to her just as I was. I will never forget that day smiling and laughing with my sweet girl in my belly. I'm so thankful I didn't know what the future held then. I was just enjoying "our" day and enjoying that fact that her daddy and I know each other so very well. What a sweet memory.
So, as you can see, this song was special to us. I remember our first and only night home with Maddie Grace, Rick sang this song to her.
He took her into her nursery and walked and rocked her. I was trying to get a moments of rest since I had been up but I could hear his sweet voice singing this precious song...
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus....
There just something about that name.
Master, Savior, Jesus
like the fragrance after the rain.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Let all Heaven and earth proclaim
Kings and kingdoms
They shall all pass away
But there's something about that name...
I remember also that she stopped crying. What peace. What a name. There really is something about that name.
Rick and I have talked often about how she is probably up and Heaven hearing those precious words being sung to our Saviour. She's probably looking at him as they sing... What a thought, what a comfort.
And so I've shared all of that to share this...
It was a Sunday morning and I woke up with my family and got ready for Church. Rick had taken both boys on the bus route and I was struggling as I came in on my own. I taught my class and then headed up to choir. I remember really having a hard time as no one hugged me or asked of My Maddie that morning. The Sunday before I couldn't escape the hugs and questions. This time is was different. Maybe because I rushed by too quickly. Maybe because my tear stained cheeks were to much for anyone to approach. Maybe no one knew what to say. And that was okay.
I walked up to the choir and stood in my place. Rick had a smile on his face as he led us and I remember thinking, how is he smiling? I'm struggling so much this morning, I can't smile for anything. Then I let myself really listen to the words we were singing, we sang of Heaven. A sweet peace came over me and I pushed forward.
Heaven means so much more to me now. I have someone waiting there for me. It is such a comfort to know that I have so much there just waiting for me. My Lord and Saviour, My grandparents, and my precious little girl are all waiting for my arrival one day and what a sweet day it will be.
This made me smile.
After choir I made my way to my seat. We had a special singing group visiting that day and I was looking forward to hearing them. I knew that their songs would speak to my heart. I needed to hear some great music. It's very therapeutic and has become such a big part of my life.
As they stood to sing just before my Preacher got up to preach, I smiled. "Okay, let's here this, what are they going to sing, how can I be blessed" I thought. My smile quickly turned to tears as I heard the music they began to play and the words they began to sing.
"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...." I couldn't believe it! I broke into tears... I could pick this song out anywhere. And if you had been at Maddie's funeral, you could too. It was played over and over again before and after the service as those came in and left.
So as they sang, I cried. I looked up to the pulpit. Rick was crying too, and I'm pretty sure the entire congregation of our family and friends was crying with us. They hadn't forgotten, every person in there remembered. They knew.
It was another one of those moments when I felt like God reached down and was saying "I haven't forgotten and here is my love." It was a comfort. And though that morning I felt like the whole world was moving on without her, and I was so sad about this, God was with me. What a joy.
There really is something about that name.... thank you Jesus.
This was written and read for Sweet Maddie Grace's funeral.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there just something about that name
As I looked so forward to the day approaching, I could only imagine what it would be like. Who's smile would you have, what color eyes would they be, how much would you weigh, and would I be everything you could ask for in a Father. Emotions were high, ambitions were Great, the day was now here. I watched as the love of my life (your mother) brought you into this world and then there were no words to explain how I felt. It was amazing! Instantaneously, your presence filled the room and there was an overwhelming joy. I felt completed. You were more than I could have ever imagined. You were my perfect little angel. I looked down at you and looked up to heaven and thanked God for this amazing gift. I didn't mind sharing you with others that day as they came into the room because at the end of the night I would be the last to hold you. Had I known our time would be so brief, I would have selfishly held on to you every second. You kept us up throughout the night, but I truly wasn't bothered, because you were my baby girl. I volunteered several times to rock you to sleep in my arms only so I could watch you look up at me. I tried to sing you to sleep, but it only kept you awake. I miss you so much. You came into my heart and left something special that no one can take away. I know it was your time to go, but I wasn't ready to let you. I am sure your in Heaven and probably with your Great Grandparents looking down on us. You cannot come to me, but one day I will come to you, and then maybe we can finish that song... Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name. Love, Daddy