Isn't it precious how when you start to doubt, when you start to fall, God allows something happen to lift you up and get you back on track?
I have chills tonight as I read all of your inboxes and messages of compassion and love. And though I may have had one person not sure of what to say this week, so many others have given me the perfect words of encouragement. I needed that. Thank you.
I have been so very blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. Every single day, I am encouraged, and loved by all of you. Thank you again.
On this day, something was weighing heavy on my mind. And as I read and searched and prayed, God kept allowing the same thought to come back into my memory. It was the answer to the question that so many had asked. How are you getting through this?
It was something I had heard my sweet husband preach about just a few days earlier. It was something that I knew, but struggled to allow happen in my life. It was something so simple, yet so difficult for me to do sometimes.
It is simply... Have Faith.
Mark 11:23 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.
How am I getting through this? I have faith in God.
Sometimes I think the things that would seem to be the easiest thing we can do, becomes one that we are not sure exactly how to. Maybe something we don't want to do because of self will or pride.
One thing I have learned through loosing sweet Maddie Grace is this, I have let go of every ounce of pride that I had left. No more pride. No more "me."
Now, I have decided to let it be All GOD. All the time.
Before all this, I felt like I was in control. I had a life exactly the way I had planned it. I was married. I had two sons and a daughter on the way.
My life was perfect. I was complete. These were the words Rick and I both said numerous time the day Maddie was born and the day after. Our world was perfect.
My facebook status on 1/7/11 was Had a perfect day holding my girl and watching the snow fall. I'm in awe of God's goodness.
We couldn't have asked God for anything more...
I always thought there was a certain "perfect" way things needed to be. How could I think I never needed to ask God for more. I need to ask God for everything in my life.
Now that I look back I regret saying that. My husband and I have come to learn that we should NEVER again put a limit on the Lord. We will never again say something in such confindence, knowing that it is completely not in our hands. We will from now on say "what do you want Lord?" "What is you will Lord?"
We will have faith.
What is faith?
Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth (Bible) or trustworthiness of a person (Jesus), concept or thing (Salvation). =)
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
Do you hope? I do. Do you have faith? I do.
So many days, I have continued to walk through this life with my plan. A big plan of how my life should be. How big my family will be and by a certain time. What kind of house I should live in and how it should be furnished. How much money we should have and what kind of vacations we take. I was planning way in advace and believing in myself to get things done. I knew what I wanted, and I thought I knew how to get it. I was wrong.
The fact of the matter is... It doesn't really matter I want. God has a plan. He has had a plan all along, and though it may not be what I thought it should be, it is His perfect way and will.
I surrendered my will to His so long ago, but my self will has always held on for a little in control. I have learned I have NO control. Only God.
My life verse for years has been.
Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give the the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4
So, for years I have thought. This is my desire Lord, can I have it? I'm happy in you Lord, can I have it? I have prayed for it, and many times it has been answered.
Maddie Grace was one of those desires.
The truth of the matter is. I can be happy in the Lord and delight in Him and He will give me many of the things my heart desires.
What I really needed to be doing was searching Him more and making His desires mine, instead of trying to make my desires be His.
I was praying all wrong.
Am I saying that I think the Lord called Maddie home because it wasn't His desire for her to live a life here with me?
I believe God had this plan for her life all along. She was created with a purpose in mind. Would I have loved at any moment on that dark Saturday morning for the Lord to have put breath and life back into my tiny girl?
And I truly believe He could have. At any moment He could have, and I could be claiming the miracle that took place with my sweet girl the day she stopped breathing, but that wasn't His will. As much as it hurts me, it just wasn't.
Someone said to me the day after we lost her and it kills me to even type this, "Why did God even give her to you if He was going to just take her back."
Well... I desired a daughter and God gave me one. He just had different plans for her life than I did.
She was brought to this earth to change my life and so many others. She was created to draw me closer to my husband and the Lord. She has given us love and taught us compassion. She has helped make our house a home. She has taught me how to soulwin and be a better Christian. She has brought out the "best" in us in so many ways. She has done countless things with her beautiful 2 days of life than I could of in a lifetime. She has drawn me to the Lord.
And so what am I saying here today?
Have faith in God that He knows best and will give you what you need.
Have faith in God that His plan for your life is much greater than anything you can plan out yourself.
Have faith in God that when you are brought to your knees in a trial, that He will lift you up and help you to keep going.
We may not see God face to face, but we can feel Him. I do, everyday of my life. I feel Him and He lets me see glimpses of Him too.
I see Him through the Bible and in prayer.
I see Him in this beautiful world He has created for me to live in.
He talks to me through His word and different situations in my life.
He shows up and gives me those "hugs" of His as He sends a little bird my way.
When certain things "just so happen". I know that's Him.
He was present when I heard "His eye is on the sparrow."
I could see Him in that snowglobe.
He was holding my hand as I opened the pink bracelet.
He sat with me as I listened to the story about the quilt.
He knows. He cares. He is there.
So, when I'm standing in the middle of this forest of trials, and I don't know which way is right. I can't see anything except tall trees and burdens hovering over me, I take a step forward and tell myself "have faith" and another step "have faith" and another step "have faith."
You can not go the wrong way if you are walking with the Lord. He will lead you exactly where you need to go and if you let Him; He'll carry you.
I'm so very thankful that I have the Lord. He has shown himself to me in ways I didn't even know I could see Him. I can see Him in the darkness when all hope of the light seems lost. I can still see Him. I know He held me up that morning at the hospital as I said goodbye to my Maddie Grace, and He has every day since. He's there...
And I know that because of my faith.
Mark 11:23 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.
Romans 1:17 For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.
Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
~ Lord may I be able to say this at the end of my Life.