Follow by Email

May 9, 2011

Mother's Day and messages...

Well, I recovered from the weekend. It was a long one.

It started out pretty good, because we had company in town and we were really enjoying spending time with them. But, I had a feeling that little Eli was getting sick, and he was. Rick and I had unfortunately passed along this sickie bug to him. The poor kid has a terrible immune system and he seems to catch everything.

So, on Saturday after he was up the previous night with a fever of 102.8, I was worried. We had a wedding that day and guess who was the ring bearer??? Eli.

Our sweet friends from Church, Josh and Amanda were getting married and they had chosen Eli to be their ring bearer. Ever since Eli was born, he has LOVED Amanda. I would always giggle because she would always love on him in the nursery and tell me how she loved the ornery little boys. Which of course we know Eli is full of... orneriness. He's such a stinker.

We finally got his fever down and headed to Church. The wedding was beautiful. Eli wasn't giving us much personality because he still didn't feel very good, but I was so glad that he was able to go.

He did great walking down the isle and fell asleep on Rick through the ceremony.
The ceremony was absolutely beautiful.
I watched as Josh and Amanda took their vowels and as they are so in love. It was sweet.

My mind wandered back to my wedding day... I remember standing there in front of everyone I love and in front of God, vowing to the love of my life. It was such a precious moment. Almost 8 years later, and we are still so in love. We have been through so much, but we have made it. God has been good.

I looked back up to the altar as Josh and Amanda finished their vowels, just about to begin their lives together as one. I was crying. I think I cried through the whole wedding. Just so many emotions...

I saw Rick standing there holding Elijah and I thought how lucky I am to have them. How blessed I've been to receive so much love in this lifetime.

Here is a picture Leah of Precious Photography took of my sweet boy. Love him!


The wedding ended and Josh and Amanda made their way down.

Then came Eli... The poor thing looked awfully pale and really sick. He barely made it to the back of the auditorium to me. Then... He stared getting sick.

Vicky(my mother in law) and I made our way to the bathroom with him. Poor little guy.

He was so, so sick. We got him cleaned up and he seemed to be feeling better.
I took him home that evening and put him to bed. He just wanted to be held and loved on. Of course I didn't mind that. I hate when my babies are sick, but I love when they want to be babied by Mommy.

I was worried about him as his fever went up again and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to take him to Church on Sunday. I was bummed.

It was the Mother's Day service and I was going to miss it. Although, I was staying home with one of the reasons I am a Mommy, so I didn't mind so much.

We spent the day snuggling on the couch and getting better. I was really struggling with some pregnancy nausea, so we were two of a kind.

Rick brought me some lunch and tried to cheer me up, but I was discouraged.

I was REALLY missing Maddie. I found myself crying a lot yesterday. I just couldn't seem to pull it together. Also the fact that it was the 8th didn't help. I really despise the 8th.

I didn't think Mother's Day would be so hard on me, but it was.

Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed BEYOND measure to be the Mommy of Noah and Elijah. They have brought more love and joy to my life than I could've ever imagined. I love them with my whole life and I would do anything for them.

But...

Maddie Grace was my child too. She was part of Rick and I. She was everything I dreamed of in a daughter and more. And she was not here with me.

She was not there to celebrate with her Mama on this special day and I wanted to her be so much.

I found myself really breaking down. I was discouraged I couldn't be at Church and hear the Mother's Day message. I was sad that Eli and I were sick and couldn't leave the house. I was heartbroken that I opened a card with Maddie's name on it, yet, couldn't hold or see the sweet baby that made me a Momma for the 3rd time.

So many emotions.

Rick did his best to cheer me up. They bought me the most beautiful pink purse. Noah bought me an adorable pink mirror compact. Elijah bought me a gorgeous pink bracelet that I adore.

The next gift I opened broke my heart... It was a pair of pink flower hair pins and at the top of the box Rick had written the words "From Maddie."

I lost it.

I got overwhelmed thinking about how many Mother's Days I will have to go through without her. How many times will I be asked how many children I have, and have to relive what I've been through. How many times will I have to sign a card and not put her name on there. It's just too much, too soon.

I was discouraged and I was down, but God knew just what I needed.

I thought about how sick I felt that day. How I spent the morning trying to keep my breakfast down and that was when it hit me.

I may not have Maddie Grace here with me today, but I am still her Mama. I always will be. And the sickness that I was feeling all day, was simply a reminder that God was going to let me be a Mama again. And next year on Mother's day, I will have a little baby in my arms. I will have a smile on my face again. Oh, I can't wait for that.

Later on, I opened my laptop and read many Mother's Day wishes. It was so sweet. Then I opened my inboxes. I was flooded with so many precious messages from so many precious people. It was wonderful to know that so many people were thinking of me.

There were two messages in particular that really stuck with me and I wanted to share them...

One was from my sweet friend Betsy. She had written me to congratulate us on the new baby. Then she shared this...

"When I read that #4 was due in December I couldn't help but think that Maddie and the new baby will be "Irish twins", two siblings born in the same calender year. I just thought it was neat that even though they will not meet on this earth that they may share a special bond.

Just something to ponder. Can't wait to keep reading the blog."

This really blessed my heart. I hadn't even thought of this.
You know, so many people have said they want me to have twins, and I would love them, But... I can confirm through ultrasound that there is only one baby in there.

So, for all of you who have been praying this, your wish came true! =) I'm having Irish twins.

I love how Betsy said that Maddie and this baby will share a special bond even though they will not know each other on this earth. It really blessed my heart.

Then, I opened another message from my sweet friend Meredith. She wrote the folowing...

"I haven't seen you since college, I guess, but I think of you often and thought I'd say hi. I clicked on a facebook picture of Maddie Grace that took me to your blog, and I read the ones commemorating her four months and the one where you found out about the new baby. I am absolutely thrilled for you!!! I think this new baby must be a special gift, handpicked by God, for you, as a token for good that He knows your heart and has sweet days ahead. I had tears in my eyes as I read, and I think it's such a great thing that you acknowledge God in every aspect of your life and use your blog as such a great testimony to His goodness. You were an inspiration to me.

I also thought I'd tell you that I think you have something with this baby that you probably never had (at least at this level) with the other three: literally HUNDREDS of people, best friends and ones that only know you by name, that will be praying for you and the baby all throughout your pregnancy and afterward. So many people want this for you and want to see you blissfully happy again. I know I do, and I will commit to pray. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know what was on my heart. Hope you have a great week."

I was in tears after I read this. I needed to hear every word she said. What a blessing. To think that this baby really was "hand picked" by God just made me have chills all over my body. I guess I've been so caught up in the fear of miscarrying this baby, that I didn't see exactly what God was doing here. This little pumpkin has been hand picked. God is giving us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

Then to think about all the prayers going up to Heaven for us. I just can't even imagine how loved and "prayed for" this baby already is... God is so good.

So, last night as I went to bed. I could've been pouting about being sick and missing out on all the fun of Mother's day. I could've been mad that Bob Evan's was out of the Chicken pot pie's that I was totally craving and couldn't have. I could have been frustrated that Eli and I were sick on my special day.
Or, I could have been mad that my little girl wasn't there with me.

But, instead... I was thankful. Thankful for my little boys and little girl. Thankful that I'm a Mom. Thankful for all of those who went out of their to make my Mother's Day a good one.

Your messages mean the world to me. Thank you for sharing them.

I am blessed.

When I wake up every morning, til I lay my head to rest. I am blessed, I am blessed.

Much Love,
Natalie

3 comments:

  1. You are so blessed. And I am blessed in knowing you. You have been such a blessing to me, in the past and even more recently. You were very heavy on my heart yesterday and I prayed for you several times throughout the day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your poor Eli! I'm sorry that things have gone all wrong but I'm glad that you could see through it all and the blessing that sit before you. Hugs and well hopes to you from Oregon,
    Felicia

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love your story it is very touching, I do believe that Gods grace is sufficient and abundant to all human kind and it is the same grace that provides all virtues like love and faith. you are a cherished mom well done!Mothers Day Messages

    ReplyDelete