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May 31, 2011

Looking up...

Today I am recovering from a WONDERFUL weekend with my family.

The sunshine just might be here to stay for a while in Southern Ohio, and with it has come my good mood. I'm starting to feel like now I am finding my strive in this new life of mine. I'm dealing more graciously with Maddie not being here, and this weekend I was stronger than ever.

I feel like things are finally looking up for us.

I've been told that once you reach this point on the road of grief that it will continue to get better. There will still be occasional meltdowns and bad days, but for the most part I'm dealing with this new partly empty but mostly full life. I'm so in love with my boys, they make me so happy. Well, most of the time. =) lol

Over the weekend,we were able to really spend some quality time together. I'm learning more and more everyday that the Lord, Rick and my boys are all I need to give me strength. Everyday, I'm stronger because of them.

There are still those moments when I want to fall apart. Like the phone call I received the other day asking if "Madeline" was my daughter. Or when Elijah found the baby teether and asked if we could use it for Baby Maddie. But, mostly, I'm getting the hang of this.

I was able to really just "focus" on the boys this weekend without constantly thinking of and wishing Maddie was there the whole time. Of course I would love for her to be, but I need to completely focus on what's in front of me. I can't let "what isn't" take away from "what is" in my life right now.

Going through life with a hurting heart is a very difficult thing to do, but I'm getting the hang of it. Things really are looking up.

I'm blessed.

I have a Husband who absolutely loves me, two little boys that are the light of my life, a precious little girl shining down on us from Heaven, and a little bundle on the way.

Which by the way, I'm feeling that little bundle flutter around now. =) I'm so thankful for this. I think God just "knew" I needed this so I could have a peace of mind.

Funny thing is.... When I started noticing the tiny movements, I pulled out Madeline's baby journal and guess what? I started feeling this little one the same exact week I started to feel her. Isn't that sweet. <3

So, life is good. Life is exciting. Life is happy again.

I feel like I've smiled and laughed more in the last week than I have at all in the last (almost) 5 months. God is giving me strength and peace to get the victory and move forward.

I'm so thankful that things are finally looking up!

As I spent this perfect weekend together with my family, instead of crying that Maddie Grace wasn't' with us, I was remembering that she is.... She always will be.

I have a special story to share about Sunday, so stay tuned... God is at it again and I'm blessed that He is able to use me.


  1. I love to hear the HOPE in your voice, as you look to the future. Madeline will ALWAYS be remembered, and I know she is looking down on you every day and always present in your every day life.

  2. Hey Natalie, I'am not sure if it is just me but I can't get your button to work on my page. Do you know if any of you other readers have had that problem? Oh and looking forward to hearing about Sunday's special story!

  3. Megan, thank you so much for your sweet words. <3
    I really am looking toward to the future with much hope.

    I have been told that. I'm so sorry. I don't know why. I will ask my web designer and try to get back to you... sorry! Just posted Sundays story, you will have to check it out!