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May 16, 2011

At the end of the day...

Well we had another busy week/weekend here in the Ross Household and I'm trying my best to find time to get on here and update everyone.

Last week, something happened here in our town that just completely broke my heart.

A man by the name of Deputy Brian Dulle was killed in the line of duty while laying down stop sticks. He was trying to stop a vehicle who was running from the police. He was killed on impact.

Immediately, I went to prayer for the family. I think now, anytime I hear of a tragic death, I just go to prayer.

I then got online to learn more about Brian Dulle (age 36) and his family. When I saw that he was married and had 3 children, (ages 10,7, and 4) I was even more heartbroken.

I saw some links posted on facebook and watched a video collage of this precious family. In the video it showed Brian and his wife, Abbie with their children. In particular, it showed their oldest daughter.(who's name is also Maddie) She had been fighting cancer. She has fought cancer twice in her 10 young precious years.

I found myself bawling at my computer for this family. My heart broke for Abbie and her children. Her precious Husband was working to keep our city safe, and his life was taken way too soon. I couldn't help but cry out to God on Abbie's behalf. On her children's behalf. I have felt so burdened for this family ever since. I wish there was something I could do for them.

It was in that moment that it hit me. This is what so many of you have done for me. You have heard my story. You have cried for us. You have prayed for us. You have been there for us.

To many of you, I am a stranger. To many of you, I am a girl in a picture, or words on a page. Yet, you are here. You have helped me in the last 4 months to get up and move forward, even when I thought I couldn't.

I don't know why sweet Abbie had to say goodbye to her Husband. I don't know why those precious babies will not get to feel their Daddy's arms around them again on this earth. But I do know, if we all pull together, we can help each other through the hard times.

Instead of overlooking tragedies and skipping past the (sometimes depressing) news, we should be more aware and eager to pray. You just never know when it could be your family...

I had such a hard weekend of missing Maddie Grace. I think many of mine and Rick's friends and loved ones think we are doing so much better and are moving forward. And to a degree, we are.but it's been so very hard for us.

There isn't a day that goes by that we don't cry for our girl. There isn't a day that goes by that we hear a baby cry and wish it was our daughter. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't remember the awful tragedy that we've been through.... This is our life now.... As ugly as it is some days. This is our life.

Everyday, we wake up remembering the terrible morning that our daughter passed away. We remember trying to put life back into her tiny body. We remember the doctors telling us there is nothing else they could do. We remember kissing her tiny cheek and walking away, never to see her on this earth again.

It's awful. Yet, it's our life.

As I struggled all weekend with missing her and praying for this other family. I couldn't help but just pray. What else do people do when life is just to hard to take? I just pray.

And so I said all that to say this...

At the end of the day, what matter's to you?

At the end of the day, who is on your heart?

At the end of the day, who's life did you touch or influence?

At the end of the day, did you live life the fullest?

You just never know.

I know that if I could go back to January the 8th, I would have kissed her a few more times. Sang to her one more time. Taken a few more pictures. Not even worried about getting a minute of sleep.

But....I can't go back to that day.

I can only go forward.

Except, now, I go forward with a hole in my heart. As does Abbie.

I have often thought how lost I would be if Rick was to pass away. I don't know how I would go on and raise my children and enjoy life again. I would be a mess.

I have not experienced this as Abbie has. I wish I could take away her pain.

Please pray for her and her 3 sweet children.

Please continue to pray for me and my hurting heart.

It takes a long, long time to get through the loss of a loved one. It takes a lifetime.

Sometimes I feel like we hear of these "tragedies" so we can be sure we are living life to the fullest and not missing a moment of the ones we love. They are who really matter in this lifetime. That, and where we spend our eternity. John 3:16

I just hope from now on, at the end of the day, I can say that I love and lived to the fullest. We just don't know how short life can be. Let's not miss a moment.

James 4:14
 14Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

Please pray for the Dulle family along with so many others who have hurting hearts.

Much Love,
Natalie Ross <3


  1. Beth Snyder CarrierMay 16, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    I love reading your posts. It reminds me to pray for you guys.
    This one hit close to home though since my husband is in law enforcement. I had to call him right away to make sure he was ok :) Praying for the Dulle family for sure.
    Love you Nat!

  2. One great blessing is that Brian Dulle was a strong christian man. So we all know that one day they will all meet again on streets of gold. And keep praying for his Maddie I heard that her cancer is back. My family pray for you and your family every day for strength and guidance. And for that new and special little one growing in your tummy that it will bring you the Hope you need to get through each day till you all see Maddie again. Bless you all.

  3. Thank you for this reminder to live life to the fullest. We need to remember also that every person we come in contact with is either going to spend eternity in Heaven or in Hell. I pray that I can make a difference for the short time I'm on this earth. Jesus did so much for me. I can do nothing less than give Him my life.