I woke up this morning to the snow and the birds; two things that completely remind me of my sweet Maddie Grace...
As I drove Noah to school with snow falling all around us, I thought of her. I looked up and saw the sweet little birds scattered all along the telephone wires. I watched them as they were playing and hoping around, and I thought of her again.
I found it a little odd that the birds were out in the snow storm. I can't help but think this was a sweet little reminder from the Lord that my sweet girl is having a great time up in Heaven laughing and giggling. I miss her.
I watched them as they flew about through the snow, no thought of the conditions, no care in the world. They just continued flying about, swooping and soaring.
It made me think...
I used to be such a care free girl, almost like those birds. No worries or fears, just me and the sky and the world below me. A world that was just waiting for me to explore it, experience it.
When Rick and I got married, we looked forward to everything God had in store for our lives. Carefree and in love, we faced this world together, ready for life and all it had to offer us.
Once we had our first baby, our lives were changed forever. We understood what life was really all about, our little family. I really understood my "purpose" in life. I was to be a Mommy. I knew that from now on, my heart would forever be carried out in my child. I could no longer live for just myself.
I love this quote.
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
After Elijah was born and later on when we were expecting Madeline, this love intensified. I felt as if my heart was placed into three different places. I carried my babies, yes, but they carry my heart with them everyday of their lives.
For when God gave me my babies, He gave me a job to do. I was to teach them and train them up in the Lord. They need me to teach them, so they can learn everything they need to know in this life.
So that day, as I was pondering over the birds, I was reminded of a message that I heard while attending Bible college many years ago. The title of the sermon was, As an Eagle, so the Lord. I will never forget what my Pastor spoke on that day.
Dueteronomy 32:11 As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings: So the LORD alone did lead him.. .
The Pastor was showing the comparison of the young of an eagle to God's children. He talked of how as an eagle, so the Lord does things. He mentioned how the eagle builds... The eagle will build a nest for her young, she will make a comfortable place to her young to be born into. So this eagle spends much time preparing the perfect nest for her young.
Then he spoke of how the eagle breaks up the nest. She makes it uncomfortable, so that eventually the baby eaglet will not want to stay, but want to get out of the nest. The eaglet will learn how to fly and fulfill it's purpose in life.
Next, he talked of how the eagle brute's and watches over it's young. The mother is waiting for that little eaglet to take that step of faith, and hop out of the nest. She keeps her eye on her baby, and is always ready for when that eaglet tries to take flight.
And the last thing was that the Eagle bears. Once that baby eaglet goes out of that nest and tries to fly, the mother eagle is there. She flies under her young bearing them up and making sure they do not fall.
Such a precious thought.
What a neat connection between how the Eagle cares for her young, and how the Lord cares for us.
Yes, God has built for me a wonderful home and life. I have been comfortable and happy and completely in love and content with my life.
Yet, for now, my nest has been broken up.
The day I lost Maddie, my life felt broken. I wondered how I could possibly go on with out her, how I could still live.
And yet, the Lord was there the whole time, watching me and bruting over me. He was waiting for me to step out on faith and try to overcome this trial and heartache in my life.
Now, like the eagle was bearing up her young, The Lord is holding me up, so I can once again, spread my wings and fly out into this world.
Is it easy?
But, this is my life and I have to continue on.
Do I wish I could go back to my carefree days of loving life and waiting for my girl to arrive?
But... that is no longer my life.
Now I must step out on faith, EVERYDAY, and trust the Lord to bear me up as I carry this burden of loss.
My sweet birdie girl is in Heaven, but here on this earth, I am living the pain of going through life without her. I can no longer bear her on my wings, but must face a life of bearing pain and emptiness without her.
I am so thankful that the Lord is willing to bear up, everyday.
I can't help but smile to think, God knew. All along, He knew.
He knew that when He gave me life, I would one day go through this. He had it planned all along that my little nest would be stirred up one day and I would have to bear this pain in my life. I am not bearing this alone, but just like the eagle who watched over her young, God watches over me.
He helps me. I'm so thankful God is allowing this to be used in my life.
He has helped me to spread my wings again, and just like that eaglet, step out on faith, knowing that He will continue to bear me up, everyday.
For that, I am thankful.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.