I woke up this morning feeling pretty sad, and I am doing my best to have a positive attitude today.
Some mornings I just don't feel happy. I guess that's okay. I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I am, but I really just miss Maddie.
I walked by her room again this morning, and for the first time, I pulled her door almost closed. I guess for a while, I felt like I was trying to shut her out if I closed the door, but I'm realizing as more time goes by the sadder I get seeing it empty. I just wish she could have enjoyed it. =(
We put her little bassinet in there after she passed away, and everytime I walk by and see it with her little blanket drapped over the side, I want to cry. I want to walk in there and pick her up out of there, and rock her and kiss her. I just feel like it's a constant reminder and it breaks my heart.
So, as I pulled the door (almost) closed, I thought, Okay Lord, I need you.
He then reminded of the message I heard preached on Sunday, God is faithful.
God is faithful.
As I sat in the service Sunday morning with my sweet Husband and family, knowing that we all still have broken hearts, I was thankful.
I'm thankful for the Bible and for the words that my Pastor preached.
God is faithful.
When my heart is overwhelmed and I don't feel like I can possibly go on another day, God is faithful. He loves me, He sent His Son for me. He saved me.
There have most definately been times in my life that I have been let down. There have been times I have definitely been dissapointed and hurt. But one thing I know for sure is this...
What God says He will do, He will.
The promises He gives, He will fulfill.
God is faithful.
When I struggle and fail, and I do so often. I know that God is still faithful. So often, I am reminded to cling to the One who can carry me through.
Rick and I have truly seen God's faithful hand everyday since January the 8th. He has taken care of us and given us strength every single day. We are still moving forward, every day. He has felt our pain in the night, and sent comfort to us. He has held us up during the day and given us the strength to go on. He has loved us as we hurt and He has hurt with us.
I truly believe that.
I have been asked a few times since Madeline passed away, why I wasn't mad at God for taking my daughter. I told them the same thing I said at Maddie's funeral that night. He allowed me to have her and love her. He blessed me with carrying her through my pregnancy. He let me feel complete love for 2 days. How can I be mad about that?
We prayed for her and asked God for her, and He gave her to us. Then when we found out we were expecting, we gave Her back to Him. I do not regret that. I never will.
I believe that the children we are given is at the mercy of God. And if He decides to give us more, which we are praying He does, we will be grateful. He knows. He is faithful.
For that, we will be forever grateful. I will never question the hand of God. He knows all things.
I can't see all the reasons now. I don't know why Maddie needed to go to Heaven in less than two days of life here, but God does. And as I've stated before, she served her life's purpose in that short amount of time.
I honestly am in awe so often of the way that her little life has touched people. It has been so amazing.
I still receive letters and messages, every day. I am so thankful that her little life will be remembered and used for many years to come. I'm so proud of her.
God has been faithful.
He has helped Rick and I to move forward, never forgetting, always remembering, but using this trial for the good.
Our goal is to be faithful to the Lord, the way He has been to us.
I fail so often to be what I need to be, and I feel like since I've been going through this trial, it's much easier to fail. And I could say, well, I have an excuse because of the pain and heartache I've endured.
But, I feel like right now, God can really use me more. He's using Maddie's story to do so...
I want Him to get the glory while I am going through this hard time.
If the glory goes anywhere but to Him, it's going to the wrong place. I know this.
One thing the Pastor mentioned that really resonated with me was this.
Our jobs expect us to be faithful.
Our spouses expect us to be faithful.
Everything that we do in this life, we should do fully and to the best of our ability with faithfulness.
God wants us to be faithful too.
God wants us to be faithful to Him and this is what I'm striving to do.
So, as He is so faithful to me, my prayer is that I can be faithful to Him. He is God, and He is good.
1 Corinthians 1:9
(9) God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord.