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March 17, 2011

Just a normal day...

3/12/11

This was by far my best Saturday since Maddie Grace passed away.

I woke up to the sun shining and the birds chirping. I couldn't help but think of Maddie and smile. I know that God was letting her sing to me through those little birdie's outside my window. It was the most beautiful and sweetest sound.

I miss hearing her noises and I would give anything to hear her cry, but hearing the birds chirp gives me such peace and comfort. They remind me so much of my sweet birdie girl.

Since we lost Maddie Grace on a Saturday morning, I really struggle with Saturday's. This was the first one that I woke up feeling okay, and that I was going to be alright. I spent the morning doing normal things...The boys were helping me clean up the house after breakfast, and we were having fun being together.

Rick was up at the Church working on our new sound system, so it was just the boys and I for the day.

I had music playing as we spent the morning hanging out at the house. My Mom had called and asked me to go to lunch and I was excited to spend some time with her.

We decided to go to lunch at Cracker Barrel. It was nice sitting and chatting with my Mom and enjoying time with her and the boys.

My sweet Mom misses Maddie so much too. My heart breaks when I see her talk of her and cry about just how much she misses her. Madeline was her first granddaughter that she lookes so forward to. So sad. I know that my Mom would have loved every second of having Maddie around, I don't think she would have ever left my house. =) She most definitely had her so spoiled before she even arrived. Then at the hospital, she showered her with more gifts and love. It was precious. Here is a picture of the three of us, it's one of my faves...

After lunch we were browsing through the gift shop and looking at all the birdie decor. I have a lot of it, but we were picking up a few more things. I've been redecorating my kitchen with birds, birdhouses and bird cages. It's turning out really cute.

One thing I love is having things that remind me of Madeline all over the house. That way, I feel like she is always remembered in everything. I love to see the things that people have given me and sent me. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

After I had a nice time with my Mom at lunch and we did a little shopping, we headed back to meet up with Rick.

We had planned a double date night with some friends from our Church, Keith and Whitney. I was really looking forward to spending some time with my husband and our friends, and I was hoping our evening with them would keep me cheered up.

We decided to go to Soho (a yummy Japanese Steakhouse). I highly recommend it by the way. =) lol

While we were waiting, we slipped over to do some more shopping at Pier 1. If you haven't noticed by now, I like to shop. =) I'm just now wanting to do it again, I've had a hard time shopping since Maddie Grace passed away. I just didn't have the desire to do something I loved so much, without her. I had dreamed of the two of us taking girlie shopping trips together. That, and seeing such sweet little girl things everywhere, just made it hard for me to go out. But as I'm healing, this is getting much easier.

One thing about Rick and I that you may not know yet is this; we are very silly and random, and we love to have a good time. So while we were in Pier 1 waiting for our reservation, we decided to see who could find the most random object in the store.

Rick found a rooster with strange dangling legs. Keith found a HUGE vase looking thing. I found a metal dog/sheep animal, and Whitney found a glass head that looked like an upside down jar. She totally won! It was the most random thing I've ever seen. They really have some strange things in that store, and I wish I had pictures of our little scavenger hunt. It was hilarious!

Before we left, Whitney had snuck off and picked up some special things for me, and of course they were birds. She's always finding little ways to be such a blessing to me.

Is it just me or are birds totally in everywhere? I feel like every time I turn around, I see things with birds on them and I don't ever remember seeing them so much. Maybe I just wasn't looking for them. Wow- bunny trail.

Anyway =)

Whitney takes every opportunity to honor my girl and I love her for it. She wears a necklace in honor of Maddie with her name and birth date on it. She talks to me about my girl and always makes me smile. She is always going so out of her way to make me feel so loved, and it encourages me so very much.

I was so glad to be out to dinner with them that night. I was so thankful to be out treating two precious people who have helped Rick and I in ways they never could imagine. We love them.

I see a lot of myself in her when I was that age. Her desire to serve God and love others, and the drive that her and Keith have to be used in the Ministry for the Lord. I see great things for the two of them and I'm honored to be a part of their lives. It makes me so happy to see some of our teens now growing up and making such a mark in this world. God is using them in a great way.

So as we sat at dinner that night, enjoying a meal and chatting, I couldn't help but smile. It felt normal. Yes, my heart still is completely broken, but I felt like a piece of me was starting to come back.

I remember giggling and laughing and just enjoying myself. So often, I feel so guilty if I do either of these things, but that night, it felt good. I felt happy.

As we drove home and talked about the things we had been through and Keith and Whitney just listened, I thought "Okay, Lord, Your allowing it to get easier, a little at a time; I'm feeling better and starting to heal."

It was just a normal day. I loved seeing the sun shining, spending time with my boys, eating lunch with my Mom, and having dinner with sweet friends.

Slowly, but surely things are starting to look up. Rick and I are finding the "new normal" we've talked about trying to find since Maddie Grace went to Heaven. I know there will most definitely still be "hard" days and I'm okay with that.

My arms are still empty and I ache for my little girl, but God is helping me to find my stride in learning to enjoy my days again. I'm feeling like I have my feet back on the ground and I'm learning how to find my way. Thank the Lord.

I'm so very thankful that on this Saturday, I felt good. I had a smile on my face and my Husband was by my side with a smile on his. I know this is what Maddie Grace would want. She's happy, and I know she wants us to be; we just miss her.

We went to bed that night encouraged.

My prayer is that my days will continue to get easier just like this one. Thank you God for such a good "normal" day!

3 comments:

  1. Love the picture with you,Maddie & your mom. Your mom knows how to spoil people with love & sweet things! Praying for her & your daddy too. I know this has been so hard for everyone. So glad y'all had a good time. I'm thankful to read that this day was 'normal' and happy for you guys. Praying for you always!

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  2. I stumbled across your blog this morning. I have read all the entries start to finsh over the course of the day! I wanted to let you know your daughter is gorgeous. Your son's are adorable. I have never experienced nor do I ever want to experience such pain but I mourn with you! I will pray for you and your family. I will remember Madeline Grace from this day forward when I see the birds playing. I pray that you continue to cling to Our Father for support.

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  3. Glad you had a normal day with a smile on your face!!! It must have felt really good for once. LOVE,LOVE the new blog decor. Very girlish and looks just like sweet Maddie grace =)(((Hugs)))

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