Since our sweet Maddie Grace passed away, I have been led to and heard of so many other families who have walked, or are walking this same road of grief.
Most of those I've been introduced to, I've only talked to on Facebook or through my blog. I can feel their pain through the words they type me, and it breaks my heart because I know this pain too. I have been constantly praying for so many of these families, who had to say goodbye too soon.
On Sunday, I saw a family who was experiencing this very grief first hand.
Last week, I got a phone call about another sweet little girl who had gone home to be with the Lord at just 3 months old. It completely broke my heart.
Remember when I talked about how 2 souls got saved at Madeline's funeral? Well, one of the gentlemen who accepted Christ that day, was now walking this same road of grief in his own life with his grand baby.
My head was spinning after I heard. Another family? Another little girl? Oh it broke my heart.
I just kept thinking about them all weekend. I thought of them on Friday when my precious Father in law was performing the funeral. I'm sure that was so hard on him too. I thought of the broken hearted Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa's who were where we were not that long ago. I couldn't get it off my mind.
I have such a heart and burden now for families who have to go through this. It's just so hard.
I prayed for them all weekend and asked God to give them strength.
As Sunday morning came, I headed off to Church. After Sunday School I made my way up to the Choir.
I was in the absolute best mood and I had a big smile on my face all morning. God has really been helping me to heal little by little.
I looked out over the crowd and I noticed this family was there. I couldn't take my eyes off them. I watched as they wiped tears away during the hymns. My mind rushed back to how I was just 3 days after Maddie's funeral.
My heart was so broken and raw. I felt so weak and full of grief. Yet, I went to Church and I was seeking God out. So were they.
We sang our specials and I cried all the way through "His Life for Mine."
I cry through most of our specials these days. My heart is still tender and the words just seem so much more real to me now. I feel the closest to God I've ever been, because He has been the one who has carried me through the last 6 months.
Broken but Healing. That has been my life.
As soon as the Choir dismissed, I headed strait towards them. I just wanted to hug them and tell them how heartbroken I am for them. We stood there and cried together and I just told them to cling to the Lord. He will get them through.
It was such a moment for me.
I felt like for once, I was on the other side.
Yes, the pain is still so much. Yes, the grief is still there. Yes, I miss her more now than I ever have.
But, I felt like I was able to minister to someone else for once, after so many people have ministered to me.
For so long, I've had blessings, and prayers and comforting words poured into my life.
For so long, I've thought how lucky I am to have so many wonderful people in my life.
I know the pain. I know the ache. I know that it never goes away.
But, I also know that the God is good no mater what.
After I made my way back to my pew and listened to Amanda sing "You're still God," I was really feeling His presence. I know how much that song touched me after Maddie passed away. I wondered how that song touched this precious family.
Then my Pastor stood to preach an amazing message on "Standing Still..."
Exodus 14:13 Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord...
It was so touching.
When the battle around us is raging, and we don't know how we will make it through, we just need to stand still and see the Lord. Stand still and look to him.
We are all going through a battle of some kind. We are all in the midst of fighting for something.
In those moments of desperation or despair we need to just stop, stand still and look to the Lord.
We need to trust the Lord to carry us through. He will help us with the fight. He will provide us with strength.
When you go through a battle or a trial, when you are at your lowest point. Just stand still and look to the Lord.
Stand still.
What an amazing truth and blessing from the Word of God.
So many times over the many months of heartache we've endured, this is exactly what we've done. Where else do you look, but to the Lord? For He knows all things. He created all things. He will take care of all things.
Thank you Lord for this reminder to just stand still and see You!
Love and Prayers,
Natalie
As the tears roll, your blog has touched my heart yet again.. I hurt for all the families that have to loose them so young, (I fear yet i know i should not)my future children.. I often wonder why yours and Kellies blog was sent my way.. Why do I continue to read them? I feel like every new mom i come across i have to tell them your story just so they can hear it and maybe watch their baby a litle closer, not that it will prevent it b/c I know God always knows our paths in live before we ever cross them but just so they know and will just be cautious.. I have a 3 yr old and when he was 3 months i put him in his own room and felt it was very important so he didnt get too attached to our room b/c i have always believed that my hubby and i need that time alone at night.. Well after the blogs i have read i dont think i will ever put the next in its own room.. I wish i didnt fear this but i do and feel like bc it was sent my way it was for a reason.. Im so sorry for the couple you talked about in this post and will pray for them along with the 2 month old Randall Mcnight from our family that just passed b/c of sids as well..I pray this family too will cling onto God b/c like u said, he is the ONLY one that will get them thro and make less painful days..
ReplyDeleteGod Bless!
Angel King
(for some reason i cant log into my google act)
Natalie, again you seem to have some connection with my own mind. The baby's grandmother is one of the very best friends I have ever had. She is a good person and I love her so much.
ReplyDeleteKnowing what happened to her granddaughter brought my grief back, but I want to use my own healing to be able to comfort her.
I've never met you, but I worked with Richard (your husband's grandfather?) And several people from your church, so I knew about your sweet Maddie almost immediately. My heart went out to you then, and my prayers are still with you. We all know this horrible pain, but we all also know what sweet treasures Heaven holds for us.
I hate that my baby is dead, but I love knowing where he is, and thinking he was there to help welcome your baby in January, and now Josh's baby, too. I know for sure that my treasure is stored in Heaven. <3
I found your blog through another baby loss mom...I am so very sorry for your loss, your daughter was just so precious and I loved looking at her pictures and reading her story.
ReplyDeleteI lost my son almost a year ago, he was 4 months old. It definitely doesn't get easier as time passes but I have found that I am just dealing with it differently.
Your sons are darling, as well!
After my daughter died I wondered if I was just blind to it before. It seems like I come across so many people that this has happened to now and it just kills me. Every time I hear of another baby going to heaven my heart goes back to the day my Bethany died...it just kills me. I hate it when people say it gets easier, the tears may not come as often, but I will ALWAYS miss her and my heart will always have a place for her...BUT GOD has never changed and He has guided me every step and every hard day. I just published a book about my daughters death and what i went through and It was SO hard to do, in fact, I struggled with putting myself out there, but I know that God wants me to share my story. I know that God wants others to see how we as Christians get through the storms. You have blessed so many by letting Christ lead you through the dark days...that is what it is all about!
ReplyDeleteWhile I read this post, I was reminded of this song: http://youtu.be/YrEZYMsEy1U
ReplyDeleteMaybe it will be a blessing to you too. :)
I continue to pray for you.