We can speak in love.
We can speak in anger.
We can speak in laughter.
We can speak in pain.
But we speak...
When we talk, our emotions pour out into the words we are saying.
But.... it's those very words that we hear, that really change us.
I'll never forget the first time I heard...
I love you.
I'll never forget the look on Rick's face when I heard him speak these words to me for the first time. It was really early on in relationship but we both just really new. Of course I immediately replied "I love you" right back. It was love and saying those words was just an outpouring of the emotions in our hearts.
Those three little words meant so much to me. Those three little words still do every time he tells them to me.
It's amazing the power behind our words.
Last weekend I heard another set of three little words that changed me so much.
I'll never forget hearing them twice before. Once was the day we found out that our sweet first baby was a little boy. Then again for our second born. There is nothing like that moment in the ultrasound room when you hear what the little baby is going to be, Boy or Girl?
It's such a special moment. It's a moment that changes your family forever. I remember them all vividly.
The day we found out Madeline was a girl, was one of the best days of my life. Deep down I just knew that she was a girl and Rick and I were so anxious to hear the news. I think I could tell before the ultrasound tech even told us, but we both cried when she announced it. Shock, excitement, and joy overwhelmed us. It was one of those moments that you never wanted to end. It was so so special. After 2 little boys, God was giving us a little splash of pink, our sweet Maddie Grace.
Going in to last weeks ultrasound, I was a wreck. I was nervous, scared, emotional but also very excited. I "knew" what the baby was, and I just wanted to hear them say it. "It's a Girl." I thought that our world would resume and life would go on and we could fall in love with another beautiful baby girl and this one, God was going to let us keep. She was our hope.
Everyone I know said we were having a girl. Rick and I thought we were having a girl. Our hearts and so many signs led us to believe is was a girl. My Mommy intuition, which never failed me with the other three, said Girl.
But as I laid on the table looking at my sweet baby while holding my Husbands hand, instead I heard these words...
It's a Boy!
I looked to Rick and he looked back at me. A Boy? So many things ran through my head. My baby girl name. My beautiful girlie nursery. Our family with another sweet girl. But Mostly....
I looked back to the screen with tears in my eyes. I watched as my new little boy was kicking his little legs and moving his arms. I watched as the ultrasound tech was trying to move his little hand out of the way. He had it right down in the gender area. (lol) There was no doubt about it. He was definitely a boy.
I watched as he opened his mouth and moved his little head. He was beautiful. A picture of perfection.
At one point he looked like he was just kicked back with his little legs up in the air, just relaxing. Happy.
I listened and looked over to my other two boys. They were excited about seeing their new brother. They were going to have a little brother. Someone else to play swords and ball with.
As the ultrasound came to the end, I looked around the room. Everyone had tears in their eyes.
What do you say? What do you say to a couple who wanted more than anything for God to give them another baby girl to love and raise?
You may think that I'm sounding insensitive, but I'm not. I'm just still grieving. Less than a year ago, I was in that very same room hearing "It's a Girl."
Our lives were changed. We had a daughter. Madeline came and then Madeline went back home. It was too soon for us. We missed our little girl. We miss our little girl.
Maybe it was too soon? Maybe I hadn't healed enough. Maybe we should have waited longer?
It really didn't matter. God knew.
A baby boy is coming and he will help us. He will fill our arms. He will give us joy.
Yes, I realized in that moment how much healing I still have to do in missing Maddie Grace, but I also realized this...
I AM BLESSED.
God has chosen to give us another little boy. He will add to this family in such an amazing way. I can only think that God must have some HUGE plans for him. Everyone I know was praying that God would bless us with another little girl. Everyone I know thought that another girl would help us heal.
But God knew better.
He gave us a Boy.
While in my heart I'll never understand why God took Maddie back home. I'll also never understand why he chose not to give us another girl, but I do know this...
I will love and cherish this new little boy with my whole heart. I will pour every ounce of my heart into him. I will teach him all about his blessing of a sister who paved the way for him to be here.
I will raise him for the Lord and teach him God's word. I will tell him how we should never lose our faith and never give up hope.
God is good.
God is good.
Jonah Asher Ross
Jonah means "Dove" (We wanted a bird meaning :)
Asher means "Happy or Blessed" =)
He was sent to us while our hearts were broken. He has been sent to give us hope.
Jonah is our hope.
Hope is not a gender.
Thank you for listening to my heart today. I realize this is raw and real. These words are truly my heart on paper. Rick and I are still healing. We are still aching for our little girl who left too soon, but we are beyond thrilled that God has given us the opportunity to be parents again. We DO NOT take it lightly.
Thank you Lord, and thank you friends for continuing to be here...
We love you all.
So once again, on a little bit of a different note... those 3 little words....
IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!! =)
My favorite picture of them all! I'm so in love with this little boy already! <3
I'm sure you will fall in love with him too.