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July 23, 2011

Three little words...

Our human language is an amazing thing. The words we say and hear affect us so very strongly on a daily basis. We can speak in so many different ways.

We can speak in love.
We can speak in anger.
We can speak in laughter.
We can speak in pain.

But we speak...

When we talk, our emotions pour out into the words we are saying.

But.... it's those very words that we hear, that really change us.

I'll never forget the first time I heard...

I love you.

I'll never forget the look on Rick's face when I heard him speak these words to me for the first time. It was really early on in relationship but we both just really new. Of course I immediately replied "I love you" right back. It was love and saying those words was just an outpouring of the emotions in our hearts.

Those three little words meant so much to me. Those three little words still do every time he tells them to me.

It's amazing the power behind our words.

Last weekend I heard another set of three little words that changed me so much.

I'll never forget hearing them twice before. Once was the day we found out that our sweet first baby was a little boy. Then again for our second born. There is nothing like that moment in the ultrasound room when you hear what the little baby is going to be, Boy or Girl?

It's such a special moment. It's a moment that changes your family forever. I remember them all vividly.

The day we found out Madeline was a girl, was one of the best days of my life. Deep down I just knew that she was a girl and Rick and I were so anxious to hear the news. I think I could tell before the ultrasound tech even told us, but we both cried when she announced it. Shock, excitement, and joy overwhelmed us. It was one of those moments that you never wanted to end. It was so so special. After 2 little boys, God was giving us a little splash of pink, our sweet Maddie Grace.

Going in to last weeks ultrasound, I was a wreck. I was nervous, scared, emotional but also very excited. I "knew" what the baby was, and I just wanted to hear them say it. "It's a Girl." I thought that our world would resume and life would go on and we could fall in love with another beautiful baby girl and this one, God was going to let us keep. She was our hope.

Everyone I know said we were having a girl. Rick and I thought we were having a girl. Our hearts and so many signs led us to believe is was a girl. My Mommy intuition, which never failed me with the other three, said Girl.

But as I laid on the table looking at my sweet baby while holding my Husbands hand, instead I heard these words...

It's a Boy!

A Boy?

I looked to Rick and he looked back at me. A Boy? So many things ran through my head. My baby girl name. My beautiful girlie nursery. Our family with another sweet girl. But Mostly....

Maddie Grace.

I looked back to the screen with tears in my eyes. I watched as my new little boy was kicking his little legs and moving his arms. I watched as the ultrasound tech was trying to move his little hand out of the way. He had it right down in the gender area. (lol) There was no doubt about it. He was definitely a boy.

I watched as he opened his mouth and moved his little head. He was beautiful. A picture of perfection.

At one point he looked like he was just kicked back with his little legs up in the air, just relaxing. Happy.

I listened and looked over to my other two boys. They were excited about seeing their new brother. They were going to have a little brother. Someone else to play swords and ball with.

As the ultrasound came to the end, I looked around the room. Everyone had tears in their eyes.

What do you say? What do you say to a couple who wanted more than anything for God to give them another baby girl to love and raise?

You may think that I'm sounding insensitive, but I'm not. I'm just still grieving. Less than a year ago, I was in that very same room hearing "It's a Girl."

Our lives were changed. We had a daughter. Madeline came and then Madeline went back home. It was too soon for us. We missed our little girl. We miss our little girl.

Maybe it was too soon? Maybe I hadn't healed enough. Maybe we should have waited longer?

It really didn't matter. God knew.

A baby boy is coming and he will help us. He will fill our arms. He will give us joy.

Yes, I realized in that moment how much healing I still have to do in missing Maddie Grace, but I also realized this...

I AM BLESSED.

God has chosen to give us another little boy. He will add to this family in such an amazing way. I can only think that God must have some HUGE plans for him. Everyone I know was praying that God would bless us with another little girl. Everyone I know thought that another girl would help us heal.

But God knew better.

He gave us a Boy.

While in my heart I'll never understand why God took Maddie back home. I'll also never understand why he chose not to give us another girl, but I do know this...

I will love and cherish this new little boy with my whole heart. I will pour every ounce of my heart into him. I will teach him all about his blessing of a sister who paved the way for him to be here.

I will raise him for the Lord and teach him God's word. I will tell him how we should never lose our faith and never give up hope.

God is good.

Always.

God is good.



Introducing....

Jonah Asher Ross


 Jonah means "Dove" (We wanted a bird meaning :)
 Asher means "Happy or Blessed" =)







He was sent to us while our hearts were broken. He has been sent to give us hope.

Jonah is our hope.

Hope is not a gender.

Thank you for listening to my heart today. I realize this is raw and real. These words are truly my heart on paper. Rick and I are still healing. We are still aching for our little girl who left too soon, but we are beyond thrilled that God has given us the opportunity to be parents again. We DO NOT take it lightly.

Thank you Lord, and thank you friends for continuing to be here...

We love you all.

So once again, on a little bit of a different note... those 3 little words....

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!! =)


My favorite picture of them all! I'm so in love with this little boy already! <3

I'm sure you will fall in love with him too.

Much Love,
Natalie <3



16 comments:

  1. Thank you for being so honest Natalie. I think we're all thinking that same thing... Waiting for that baby who would be the baby you prepared for, and then lost... I know I need to have a little boy one day, the thought of life without a boy, after expecting one for so long is hard to grasp.

    And of course that's not to say that a baby of the other gender isn't welcome, because they most certainly are. But the aching you feel is entirely normal.

    Congrats on the new little man to love. And you're right- that last photo is gorgeous. :)

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  2. THANKYOU for sharing your heart with us. I was thinking od you and orayng for you, knowing it mint be a struggle after thinking it would be a girl, but you guys have such strength in Christ, and like you said, God must have some really big plans for this little guy! When we found out Ava was a girl everyone thout we'd be disappointed another girl after two already...one of my friends told me, God must have something big planned for her, He knows that you should have hi little girl. And now after all that has happend...wow. Howq right she was Ava has already blessed and changed us in so any ways. God is good. Praying for you and your sweet little Jonah!

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  3. Such a great post Natalie! I can't wait to see how God uses little Jonah....and I really still can't believe that little picture, with his feet propped up. That.is.the . All. Time. Sweetest. Ultra. Sound .picture. I. HVe. Ever.seem!

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  4. My favorite quote was "Hope is not a gender". That is exactly right! We all wanted you to have a little girl after having Maddie taken so soon, but I know that if Lincoln was taken away, my arms would be so empty that they would know no gender - and neither will your's. Maybe having a boy will help your boys heal as well and they'll be able to differentiate Maddie from Jonah and be able to mourn Maddie in a healthy way. Whatever the reason, the Lord knew your family needed another boy and I am so excited for you to have a the sweet heavenly warmth of a baby in your arms again.

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  5. If we have another, I don't know how I will feel about it. If it's a boy, it will feel like a replacement to Adam, even though we absolutely do not feel that way at all. If we have a girl, I will feel like Adam was our only shot at a boy cuz we don't plan on having more (funny, we said that after having Adam also). Thank you for being honest. Much love, always!

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  6. Thinking of you during this time. I loved seeing the photos and the name is perfect!

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  7. Congratulations on your little boy! I remember one time our pastor saying "If we could always know what God knows, we would always want what He wants." I think we all expected you to have a girl but there is comfort in the fact that God knows what is best for us. Maybe having a little girl right now would have been too difficult for you and your family. I think it would be for me. I know God has a very special blessing for you. It is so sweet to me that this baby may not even be here if it wasn't for Maddie. What an amazing sister your THREE boys have :)

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  8. Oh, Natalie, don't let anybody make you feel bad for a moment's disappointment. After Landon, I wanted another little boy so badly. When I found out I was having fraternal twins, first off I was scared and mad. Since you were so honest, I will be, too. I was angry! If my body couldn't safely deliver one baby, why should I expect it to let me have two?!?! But then as time went on and everything was perfect every visit, I warmed to it. God was giving me a double portion! Then my mommy intuition really had me convinced it was a boy and a girl. I just knew it was. Because of my high risk, I had a lot of ultrasounds. At 17 weeks we saw that one was a girl, but the other was still a mystery. I had 3 more weeks to convince myself that the bashful one was a boy. I was wrong. I had a moment of sadness at that 20 week scan, knowing that was my last pregnancy and I would never have another boy. That was December 17th. By Christmas I was excited for my girls. But o can't deny that little bit of disappointment. Now I realize that I has exactly the family i'm supposed to have. Jonah is an amazing name. I love him already and can't wait to see the first pictures of him in your arms!

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  9. Your words are so perfect and honest. When I read your last post, the short one announcing it was a boy, I too felt a twinge of... disappointment? That's not exactly the right word, but I immediately thought, "why didn't they just get their little girl?? Why didn't God just give that to them?"

    But as I thought that, I also thought we are one month from finding out if our second child will be a boy or a girl. I thought of all the hardships we went through to get the first one here with us, and I thought about the three little words we will hear in a months time and how no matter what, we will feel so blessed. I know you feel incredibly blessed. You ARE just incredible. And your honesty makes me feel more human and less guilty about my first thought of disappointment for you. Thank you so much for sharing with us. Best of everything to you and your family, Natalie.

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  10. Congratulations Natalie! He is so handsome already! What a blessing a baby is! I know you will cherish him. He has a purpose. God knows what He is doing. Praying for you in the remainder of your pregnancy. Take care, and enjoy this special time in your life.

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  11. Thank you for sharing your heart. Congrats on your little boy. He is beautiful and I love his name. Thinking of you and your family.

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  12. Natalie, you're are always so positive. I am always so encouraged as I read your blog. The Lord truly has give you something special. I love reading your words for they truly are your heart and that helps he feel close to you even tho the distance! Love you Nat and cannot wait for you to hold your precious baby boy!

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  13. love the name! Love how you said Hope is not A gender! Love this post, thanks for sharing your heart! Praying for you!

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  14. Some of God's Greatest Gifts are "Unanswered Prayers" Be happy! The little girl is yet to come! You will have her, just be Patient! This young man is a blessing and he will lead the way to many wonderful things that will come through his work with Christ! Love you
    Your blogs are a blessing to me as I read them I heal also as I remember the passing of my beautiful mother. Love Letty Ross

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  15. Natalie, I will always remember your kindness when we visited Mom and Dad JoAnna and Richard Ross on that Christmas vacation in Ohio! It must have been 5 years ago. I remember telling my husband Donald that you were so beautiful and your heart was so blessed. I still have the knife set you gave us! Thanks and your family is so beautiful and so is Jonah!

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  16. This is truly beautiful! Your grace is beautiful. You are so right, Jonah is exactly who needs to come to your family...exactly! God is incapable of mistakes and knows your every need. I pray you get your little splash of pink again one day. But until then I pray that your broken heart knows a peace that surpasses all understanding. Jonah Asher is a very lucky little boy and oh so very loved.

    My beloved daddy who would have been 75 yesterday always did everything in three's. For example he never gave a dozen roses, only 3. The reason??? Because early on when my parents were dating (they met when my mom was just 14) when he first told her he loved her he gave her 3 longs stemmed roses. She asked why just 3? He response, "because 3 is exactly the number of words needed to say I love you". My daddy was a romantic. My daddy was my hero. My daddy and mama buried their beloved son when he was just 6 years old after a lengthy battle with leukemia. My whole life 3 has been symbolic of love...your three sons are such a beautiful symbol of the first time you and your husband shared your love for each other. God bless you as you prepare for the arrival of your beautiful baby born of love and hope.

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