Birthdays, Blessings and the Birds....

January and some of February has come and gone, and my heart is finally feeling much peace and hope again. I feel I can now fully move forward with my year after struggling through these beginning months. I imagine as the years go by, it will get a little lighter and I pray so, as my heart still aches for and misses my sweet girl. Yet through it all, God is good and His blessings continue to be abundant every single day of our lives.

We have been so very busy with many things going on and I feel terrible I have neglected this blog so greatly. I am hoping to find time to write again soon. I really miss writing...

But, among the busyness of our lives, we always seem to find time to stop and celebrate sweet moments in life. Just recently we have celebrated both our younger sons birthdays, and my 30th birthday as well.

As my birthday approached this year and I've now entered a new decade of life, my heart has pondered so many things. What a journey it's been. I promise to share about my birthday and our fabulous trip to NYC soon, but I still owe you some birthday pics from Jonah's and Eli's party!!

I've talked so much this last year about our little birdie boy, Jonah Asher. And planning Jonah's 1st birthday was another huge step in healing for me.

This party was such a blessing to throw and with every project I worked on to prepare, I found myself thanking God over and over again for the lives of my children and the opportunity to celebrate them.

Since Elijah and Jonah's birthdays are only 4 days apart, we decided to have their birthdays together in early December before the rush of the holidays.

It was such a sweet day!

Both the boys reached big birthday milestones this year as Jonah turned one and Elijah turned five. What a blessing both of these little boys are to my heart and in my life.

Since I've never had the opportunity to throw Maddie Grace's 1st birthday, I think I poured even more of my heart and soul into this one. I started pinning and planning from the time Jonah was like 2 months old. =) I really do love throwing party's, it's definitely one of my passions in life.

In preparing, I knew I wanted to go off of Jonah's nursery theme and throw a Forest friends party. I wanted to also somehow incorporate Madeline into the party. I just felt like she should have a part in it. =) It all really came together turned out perfectly.

We decided on a Boys are a Hoot/Forest friends party. And with it being winter and so beautiful out we made a special Winter woodland "One"derland room for Jonah Bear. It was so special.

We had the party at my Mom and Dad's big beautiful home in the country where there was tons of space to celebrate.

As I prepared and worked for days, I just found myself finding happiness and peace in this day and in this party. It was very healing for me.

I worked and worked along side some good friends and my family to turn their home into a Forest Friends winter wonderland. It was beautiful.

But, the best part of it all... was the joy on the faces of my sweet little boys. They were both so happy. So excited!

It truly was a blessing to see and experience.

I have so many pictures to share and I think they can best describe the day, but just before I do, I want to share the special way Maddie made her presence at the party...

Just as the party time arrived and the guests were beginning to pull in, I ran to my van to touch up my makeup.

My parents home is surrounded by trees and as I walked out onto their porch, I was stopped dead in my tracks.

The noise caught my attention first.

The most beautiful noise I had heard all day.

It was hundreds and thousands of birds! They were all chirping and singing sweetly in the trees.

My eyes wandered to the right as I scanned the tree line...

They were everywhere! They were flying and hopping and landing in the treetops.

The front field was filled with them too. I watched as waves of them swooped across the land as they played with each other and hopped happily about.

I walked to my van and watched them soaring over head.

It was such a sight.

I sat in my van to put on my makeup but I couldn't keep my eyes off of them.

I felt like Maddie Grace was there.

She was smiling down on this day wishing her big and little brother the best birthday. And she was.

I gathered myself and went inside with the biggest smile on my face.

I found Rick and told him Maddie was with us. He went outside to see.

What a blessing that when I least expect it, God gives us those sweet little hugs and gifts of peace. This time it was through all those Maddie's birds. It truly was a blessing.

Enjoy..

 

These sweet Maddie birds were all around.. So sweet!

 

Welcome to the party!!!

 

 

 

Forest friend ears =)

 

 

Elijah Braden is 5!!!

 

 

Woodland mantle

 

 

 

All of the boys favorite forest friends came.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woodland Dining room

 

 

Jonah's cake

 

Eli's cake

 

Forest friends cupcakes!!

 

 

 

Owl, Bear and Hedgehog cake pops!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Little owl Treat table

 

Ornament candy keepsakes for the kids!

 

Boys are a Hoot treat bags!

 

Mason Jar drinks

 

 

Jonah Bear Cupcakes

 

 

"Hoot" chocolate station

 

 

 

Loved making thes fun lanterns!!

 

Jonah's "Onederland" table..

 

 

Jonah's baby book

 

A beautiful album online. I loved that it matched his theme. =)

 

 

This says "Winter Woodland Onederland"

 

 

 

Just had to post a pic of my Mom's pretty tree =)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The kiddos posing in their forest friends ears =)

 

 

 

Jonah Bear Picnic =)

 

 

The babies loved the mushroom play tent =)

 

 

 

 

Holding my sweet "ONE" year old =)

 

 

Me and my big 5 year old!!

 

 

 

 

Everyone loved the jar drinks!

 

Entering Eli's Enchanted forest...

 

 

 

Eli's archery!!

 

He was pretty good!

 

 

Forest friends masks

 

Raccoon picture frames

 

The cutest little game..

 

 

I was gonna read this by the fire... but it was strangely warm that day so we never lit the fire.. Jonah loves the puppets! =)

 

 

Pinata time!

 

Even the adults had fun!!

 

 

Time for cake!!!

 

Rick smashed Eli's face.. lol

 

 

He was a fan =)

 

 

 

 

Everyone loved all the treats while Jonah enjoyed his cake!! =)

 

The aftermath... lol

 

 

And after a quick bath and an outfit change...

 

My little Jonah Bear was ready for presents!

 

 

He loved his bear rocker!

 

And his puppy walker!

 

But my most favorite gift was the beautiful quilt Mrs. BJ made...

 

 

And look who she incorporated into the quilt... <3

 

 

My sweet girl.. miss her so.

 

 

What a great party... Everywhere I looked I saw smiling faces.

We truly are so blessed!!

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so grateful my sweet boys both had such a great party.

We are so blessed to be able to celebrate a/another year of life with our sweet boys.

We are blessed.

 

 

 

 

I'll never forget this sweet day. What a wonderful year with my boys. <3

 

I sure am grateful for many things, and I try to find happiness daily, but today I'm really grateful for

Birthdays, God's blessings... and the birds. =) It's the little things in life that truly do mean the most! =)

 

Much Love,

Natalie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two years... Dear Maddie Grace

Dear Maddie Grace,

Two years?

Has it really been that long...

Two years without you.

It's hard to fathom.

My mind races back to the moment they placed you on my chest.

I remember your flushed cheeks. I remember your full head of curly black hair. I remember looking to "make sure" you were a girl. =)

It almost hurts to go back there.

To that moment when my dream came true and my daughter was born. I still can't believe I had you.

You were perfect.

Our time together was too.

Our perfect snowy day together on the 7th of January.. I'll never forget that day. With every snow fall we receive I remember. I go back.

I feel like I've been stronger this year. Much stronger than last.

But as it's almost your birthday and the memories of you flood through my memory and the pictures of you are filling my news feed, I feel my strength slipping.

You weren't just a dream. You were real.

I vividly remember nursing you and holding you.. I loved to stroke your cheek.

I loved to brush your hair and change your hair bows or hat almost every hour.

I loved showing you off and letting everyone else fall in love with the little girl I had all to myself for 10 months.

I loved watching you stretch and lifting you to my shoulder. Your sweet fuzzy hair seemed to kiss my cheek as I felt you snuggle up to me.

I can feel it, Maddie. I can feel you still.

But as time is passing, I'm scared these memories I only have of our two days together will fade away. I never want to forget...What if felt like to hold you, this 6lb 10 oz bundle of pink in my arms.

You were so fulfilling.

When I held you, I felt like my world was at peace.

Seeing your brothers fuss over you was so amazing. The love I saw in their eyes for you tugged at my heart. You added the perfect touch of femininity to our family.

We had so many plans and dreams for you... and then in a breath, you were gone.

I still find myself trying to understand. But I trust God and I know He loves me.

Yet I find myself longing to know so many things....

How you would interact with the big brothers who wanted you so much?

How much you would have your daddy wrapped around your finger?

What you would look like and who you would act like?

Would you have been girly like me? Would you love sparkles and pink and baby dolls?

If only I could know.

The perfect family I thought "was" faded away the day God called you home.

Oh how my heart aches for you. My arms long to hold you.

This Christmas I missed you the most. Turning 2, you would be at such a fun age. I can't even imagine the fun we would be having together.

Sometimes I still dream we will experience some of the things I thought of during my pregnancy with you. But the dream becomes a reality when I see our family photograph without you present.

I wish I could ask God why.. I wish He could give me His eyes so I could see. I wish I could have kept you...

I do feel like God does answer my "whys" in many ways and that does help...

This is how I know...

Every time your little story is told and another soul accepts Christ.

Every time a grieving mother is sent to me or my blog for prayer and advice.

Every time I think about how much "better" of a person I am because of you.

I know your purpose was meant to be accomplished in two days. I know that. But I still long for more.

More time.

To look at you and kiss you. To study your sweet newborn skin and hold your warm body to mine.

And though I'm grateful to have had 10 months and 2 days with you, I'll always want more.

Oh Maddie, I miss you.

I'm so grateful God sent us your little brother and now I can't imagine life without him... but you could never be replaced.

God just sent us him as a reinforcement of his love. Could you tell Him thank you? We are so grateful.

But could you ask Him to comfort my heart as I'm crying out for you my sweet girl. I miss you in a way that words can't comfort. Only through the arms of a Father.

I find myself finding peace in the pink sunsets, bird and snow filled skies and pictures of castles and crowns. I'm grateful for little reminders that remind me that you were and are my daughter.

It seems everywhere I look, I see you. I see us together.

I wish it were so.

I know that there are parents who have lost children after years and year of love. My heart hurts for them, because I felt the greatest love I've known in just two days with you.

You changed me, Madeline. In so many ways.

I know as your birthday and angel day passes, this won't feel so heavy. I know that time will keep moving forward as it always does and I will be okay. But for today, I'm hurting. I'm missing.

My heart feels so heavy it's hard to breathe.

I love you.

I love you and I miss you in a way that words can't write.

Do you know sweet girl how much you've changed this world for the better? For eternity?

God is doing great things Maddie Grace. He's using you... and somehow, He's using me.

I'm trembling, and my eyes are filled with tears as I type this..

But am I making you proud, Maddie?

Oh how I strive to.

My purpose now is even greater. As a Christian, as a mother, as a wife and as a friend.

I'm so glad sweet girl you know no pain. Because the way I miss you is just too much.

I think of the pain God went through when He gave His Son for us and the world turned their back.

I think of the love Jesus had when He died for me. There is truly no greater love. And you are with them...

But you know don't you sweet girl? You know those stories from the mouth of our Creator.

From the mouth of our Savior, don't you?

Oh if my eyes could see what you see. If my ears could hear what you hear...

They will one day.

I could write to you for hours but I will close with this.

You've touched my life in a way that no one else has sweet Maddie Grace. There will always be a part of my heart there in Heaven with you.

I'm broken Maddie.

I have been since you went to Heaven, but one thing I've learned is that out of brokenness can come much beauty. You've shown me that.

Please ask God to continue to help me, Maddie. To continue to provide strength.

I know He will as I pray to Him. I think I just need a little extra help this week, because the burden of missing you is to heavy to bear alone.

I don't know when we will be together again sweet girl, but I know we will. And then maybe we can spin together in our beautiful dresses. Maybe then we can have tea parties inside of our mansions. And maybe.. instead of wearing them, we can cast all those beautiful crowns at the feet of Jesus.

Oh baby girl, how I ache for that day.

I miss you.

As the boys say it...

 I love you... Up to (you) Maddie and back...

Happy 2nd Birthday Baby girl!

I love you,
Mommy

2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.


This is just a piece of my heart today. I still have the boys party to share (that blog is already complete) and I will soon. I just don't have the strength to today I felt like talking to Maddie. If you would pray for me, it would mean so much. My heart is heavy but my God is big.

Thank you for walking with me. Thank you.

Much Love,
Natalie