Well it's summertime... and officially our busiest time of the year! I have had so many things to write about but I just haven't had a free moment to do so. But today, in between feeding three little mouths and tackling a mound of laundry, I wanted to take a few minutes to share my heart.
I have to be honest, and what I'm about to say I never thought I could possibly say again.
I absolutely LOVE my life.
I remember thinking to myself, just a year ago, I'll never be able to find complete and total happiness again in my life time. My heart just hurt way to much. I missed Maddie Grace way to much.
And while I still miss her and still do hurt. I'm finding myself in a complete state of happiness again.
I'm just so in love with my Husband and our three little boys.
I'm loving watching our sons grow up and learn new things. I love having a little baby around again and watching my Husband during this precious stage of life. I love feeling so depended upon and to know I'm so needed again. My heart is just so full of joy.
People have always said, in time, I would get here again.. And maybe so. Time definitely helps.
But God heals.
I'm feeling stronger day by day. I'm feeling happier day by day.
God is giving me reminders and blessings and "moments" of complete bliss.
Moments I didn't know if I truly would ever experience again...
This last week has been special for us.
Our Church sent our Pastor and his wife (my in laws) on a very deserved cruise to Alaska. So with our Pastor being away, Rick has been leading and preaching the services. It's been wonderful.
Since we were young (and by that I mean 16) I've always loved listening to Rick preach. God truly has blessed him with the gift of speaking and I love to hear him.
Every message he has preached in the last 3 services have been so very good. They have blessed my heart in such a wonderful way.
I've watched my Husband grow into such an amazing Man of God through the last 14 years. I've seen the Lord work in his (and my) life in so many ways. It's truly been an honor.
But this last year, God has really molded my Husband into something great.
It's funny. I live with my Husband. I know everything about him. He is my best friend and I am his.. But when he stands to preach, he's not that person to me. He truly is a great Man of God.
God uses his words and messages to speak to and convict me (along with so many others.) It's truly a blessing to be a part of.
If you would have told me as a young girl, I would marry a Preacher and be full time in the ministry, I probably wouldn't have believed you. But yet, God saw me fit to be a part of the life of my amazing Husband and our wonderful Church, and it really is an honor.
We get to watch lives change and grow in such wonderful ways. I've seen God do miracles and help families through the worst of times (including ours.)
As Rick spoke last week he quoted this scripture...
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
There truly is a time for everything in our lives. And though it may not happen in the time frame we think it should, God has such purpose with His timing. He has such a plan with His ways. He knows all things.
As I heard my Husband preach on these things and see the response of so many, it really lead me to trust the Lord. To know His ways are best and good. And to look for the good in them.
I still have sad moments and find my heart longing. Just like I did last week as I drove to the cemetery to visit Madeline's grave.
That for me, will never be easy.... but, I'm finding it easier..
The Lord calmed my heart and helped me to "be still" and see beauty there; see the good, and I did.
I watched a breeze go through and the sun shine down across a cemetery full of waving flags. It was such a beautiful sight and gave me such a moment of peace.
I watched three little robins hoping around Maddie's spot and it made me smile... As I approached they flew away, but another little robin flew close by and stayed the whole time I was there..
It was beautiful. It gave my heart such peace and comfort. I know that all my children are still close, though one seems far away.
God knows just how to bring me comfort if I'm willing to look for the beauty around me among the ashes. And I've seen Him do it in the lives of so many others recently.
I'm thankful God is giving me the time of my life again with my Husband and children.
I'm thankful for His grace and just what it means to me.
I'm thankful I can talk of my Maddie Grace and share her story. And I love that Rick can use her story in his messages as a testimony of God's mercy and grace; and that her story continues to affect and help change the lives of so many.
I'm thankful for two little boys who now have a little brother to watch grow up, and for how his smile continues to teach us what hope is and just how much it means to us.
I'm thankful that I'm the mother to a beautiful baby boy who needs me just as much as I need him, and who has restored a piece of my heart I thought was gone forever. I'm thankful that I have I written this entire blog one handed today, as he is in my other arm sleeping peacefully. :)
And lastly, I'm thankful for God's timing. He knows all things best and because I've been open to seeing the beauty there, He is teaching me and helping me grow from them.
I'm not quite out of my 20's yet, but God has done so much with me, and still has a further plan and will for my life. Please pray with me as I strive to follow it and let Him make everything in my life beautiful in His time.