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March 8, 2012

Holding onto you...

Hope means holding onto you...

Grace means, your holding me too...

These words.

Wow, do they describe the last 2 months of my life completely.

Standing in the kitchen this past week, I heard these words in a song and immediately felt completely comforted.

It was another one of those moments where I truly felt God's arms around me...

The truth is, when Jonah was born my smile returned. He has brought so much love and joy back into the lives of our grieving family. He truly has restored all our hope and more.

But, our sad days do still come, and pain is still a very real part of our hearts and lives.

When I woke up on Monday and saw the snow and heard the birds chirping outside, it made me happy yet sad. Happy because both of these things remind me so much of my sweet daughter, but sad because they also remind me of the similarity to the days and months spent without her last winter. Those days are tough...

Then, Eli was especially missing her this week. He talked all about her and how she was the best sister. :(  He still talks about her all the time and he is always asking to buy her things. Sometimes I don't know if he really thinks we can somehow give them to her? I'm happy he speaks her name but I can't help but sometimes wish it was different. He bought her a little pink bunny that we took over to her grave this week. Before we left, he bowed his little head and started praying to God. He asked God if He would send Maddie back. =(

We still miss Maddie Grace. We always will.

So as I struggled a little this week, I just keep remembering the words of this song.

Hope is holding onto You... Grace is You holding me too.

God's grace is holding me. He continues to hold me up everyday. One day closer to our Maddie Grace.

I'm so thankful God gave us Jonah. Oh how he helps us through on the hard days. When mine and Rick's and the boys hearts are sad, we can look to him. We can hold him. God sent him especially for us during the hardest time of our lives.

His sweet little smiles and giggles light up the room. His presence brings happiness to all of us. His precious kissable chubby cheeks and sweet snuggles are so fulfilling. He has helped us all in ways we couldn't have imagined.

The last two months with him have been amazing.

I love holding him.

I don't like to put him down. (Don't worry, I do some :) but after having aching arms to hold Madeline for so long, he really fills them up. And not just mine, but Rick's and the boys too.

Jonah Bear is such a happy baby and he is the best sleeper. He's been sleeping 8-10 hours a night since he was 8 weeks old. He loves his Daddy and brothers and he follows them all over the room with his eyes. Noah can always soothe him and Elijah makes him giggle. He has the sweetest belly laugh and his brothers love to hear it. So do I.

When Rick comes home from work, Jonah lights up. It's like he really missed him. He really loves his Daddy and Rick is so good with him. He changes diapers, he helps with baths. He loves to swaddle Jonah and cuddle him. Every time I watch him with our boys, it melts my heart and makes me fall in love with him all over again.
Jonah loves to be in my arms and he loves to eat. He's a great nurser and he weighs 15 pounds now. :) He loves to snuggle with me and he really "talks" to me now and tries to mimic anything I say to him.

The bond I have with Jonah is so very special. I'm really enjoying having a newborn again. Elijah is four now, so it seems like so long ago that we had a baby around. Maddie's stay was just so brief and it left us wanting.
It seemed like just yesterday, he was placed in my arms when I experienced one of the most emotional, raw moments of my life. Since then, these last 12 weeks have just been plum full of sweet happiness with him. He truly is my sweet little boy of hope and joy.

The way it feels to hold Jonah is such a comforting, calming thing. It feels so much like how I feel when God is holding me, which is everyday.

I'm so thankful God is there. He's holding me up when I can't stand up myself. He's holding all of us.

Hope is holding on to You, Grace is you holding me to... Love that.

Much Love,

Happy 3 months today to my sweet Jonah Asher. You really will never know just what you mean to our family!

Now I would like to share the rest of the photo's from his 2 month/Valentine Photo shoot. =)

Sweet baby

Dressy baby :)

Chubby Jonah Bear

My favorite!!!

My little Dove

Noah lost his first tooth!

Love Jonah's eyes. lol

My sweet boys- Heart breakers

Love this!

My four babies <3


  1. Beautiful post! Does your Eli have two different colored eyes?

    1. Thanks!
      Yes he does! One is brown and one is blue. It's really neat.

  2. Love the post and love the pictures :)

  3. These pictures bring a smile to face and a calm in my heart. Each day a happier than the last.

    1. Thank you TanaLee,
      Your right, every day that goes by is better and happier than the last. I never thought I could say I would find that again. So happy I'm finding my way. :)
      I think of you often. Much Love <3

  4. I love the first picture with Jonah and Maddie--Simply a gorgeous expression of faith.

    I also love the picture with the shows of your four little ones. Precious!

    1. Thank you, Carissa! My sweet photographer made that image of Maddie and Jonah for me. It's just so precious. I'm glad you loved it too. :)