Dear Jonah Asher,
There are so many things I want to say to you. So much I want you to know.
Do you know, sweet boy, how loved you already are?
Do you know what healing and joy you have brought to our lives? I don't think I can even put those feelings into words.
God blessed us with you at a time when your Dad and I felt like all hope was lost.
You, my love, have restored our hope. The Lord and you have given us a gift that no one else could give.
When your big sister went home to be with Jesus, we felt like our world was shattered, and it was. We cried day in and day out. We ached to hold her. Kiss her. Snuggle her. We still do.
7 weeks after she went to Heaven, I truly believe God and Maddie Grace hand picked you just for us.
2 weeks after that, I received another piece of hope; a positive pregnancy test.
Do I think that was a coincidence that God gave us you at the exact time I could carry another baby safely? No, I believe He knew all along.
I find it so amazing to think that Maddie Grace made a way for you.... and even though you have never met her, you will always have a special bond. You will always be Irish twins. You are filling the space that she called home for 9 months. You are coming into a family who has so much love to give.
Madeline knew we needed you in our lives, and now, you will be here in less than a month to fulfill that dream. You will join this family and you will fill our arms again.
My pregnancy with you has not been easy but it has been worth it! I have been so full of fear and filled with heartache that we will lose you too. I have given those fears to the Lord and He has provided peace. Day in and day out He has provided.
I dream of what you will look like. Will you look like Noah? Will you look like Eli and Maddie? Or will you look entirley different. Will you be big like your brothers at birth or tiny like your sister? I think I know the answer to that. =)
Will you be calm and relaxed or will you continue to be full of spunk and personality like you are in my belly now? And then the big one... What will you do with your life? For I KNOW God has some huge plans for you baby boy... Big.
So many thoughts and questions, and not much longer to wait...
The day we found out you were a boy, I was shocked. I had never been wrong on one of my children's gender until you. =) It was then that I decided not to have any expectations. but to just be grateful and thankful for every moment I spent with you. And I am. =)
I know you are going to be ornery like Elijah and this makes me laugh. Even the nurses say I'm gonna have my hands full., and I can't wait. You are one wild child.
As soon as I found out you were a boy, I had some big decisions to make, about your name and your nursery.
We chose the name Jonah Asher for you. I've always loved the name Jonah and Elijah almost had your name. I never knew why I didn't use Jonah with him until now. God knew "you" needed to be my Jonah. My little Dove.
For Jonah means "dove" and I couldn't think of a better meaning for you little boy. We wanted a name with a bird meaning, so we could honor your sweet sister and our "birdie girl."
Then, I read that the name Asher means "happy or blessed" and I thought, that's it! Our little dove who is happy and blessed. Oh how happy and blessed we feel to have you coming into our lives. I can't describe the excitement and anticipations we have for you!
A few nights ago, I was reading your big brother's devotions just before bed. We read the story of Noah and the Ark (one of the boys favorites,) They love to read the Bible stories about them. =) Well, about their names at least. And I'm sure we will read the story of Jonah and the Whale to you. =)
As we were reading this story, something dawned on me...
After the rain stopped and the ark had floated around for months. Noah let a "dove" go, and it came back with an olive branch in it's mouth. Noah and his family were so excited about this because the olive branch meant that there was hope that dry land was somewhere near.
Once the ark made it to dry ground, Noah let all the animals go. Then God painted a huge rainbow across the sky to show that he loves the world... And sometimes when it rains, we see those rainbows as God's promise that he will never flood the world again...
Jonah, they say that a baby following the loss of another baby is called a rainbow baby...
"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
You, my Jonah are my symbol of hope and God's promises... My rainbow baby.
Your little life has already done so much. We are still grieving over Maddie Grace. We still ache for her as we continue to go through the storm of missing her. But you, you are our glimmer of beauty and light as we face this storm. You have provided happiness again. You have given us hope.
Only you, my sweet Jonah, could do that. You are our rainbow through the storm.
So as I sit here tonight and type these words, (and you move and hiccup and kick inside my belly=) I guess I just want you to know, I love you... And I'm thankful that God chose me to be your Mom. I'm thankful that God gave you to us right when we needed you. I'm thankful that you are my rainbow.
My hope and prayer is that I will do a good job raising you up and into the man God wants you to be. I pray that when you learn of your sister and say her name, you will know that she made a way for you. I pray that you will be able to share her testimony as part of yours as you grow into a man of God.
This family has been through a storm. We have seen dark days, but through it all , God has shown His love to us as He blessed us with you.... <3
I can't wait to meet you. Please come quickly. There is nothing I want more than for you to be safely in my arms. I love you Jonah Asher with everything that I am.
Your Mama <3
... For those of you who are curious. Jonah Asher's nursery is ALL DONE! =) I will post pics soon. =)