My heart is broken.
I woke up yesterday so so sad. Probably the saddest I have been in a while. Rick was home since it was Labor Day and I made big breakfast for him and the boys. We spent the morning around the house organizing some things and spending time together. I'm so glad Rick was home, God just knew I was going to need him that day.
One thing I love is when people tell me they have been thinking of Maddie Grace. There is nothing sweeter to me than hearing people speak her name and talk of her. If you know someone who has lost a child or children, I want to encourage you not to be afraid to bring their names up. It really helps heal to hear their names spoken and to know they are remembered.
So, I talked to my sweet friend Jenny that morning and she told me that she had been thinking about Madeline a lot this week. She even told me that she got teary eyed when seeing another baby around the age Maddie would be if she were here. It made her so sad, she had to leave her Church service but it meant so much that she was thinking of her. She misses my little girl too.
Then I got another message from my sweet friend Kelsey who was telling me of another family who lost their 2nd precious little girl recently. She also told me of a little birdie who came to visit her, which of course made her think of Maddie. It made me smile to think that she too was thinking of my little girl.
She has touched so many lives and hearts.
But today, and yesterday, she has really touched mine.
I couldn't stop crying. I cried and cried yesterday.
Rick tried to console me. He told me how how much he missed her too.
Then he reminded me something we all know well. Something that we all have heard at some point in our lives.
How do we view our glass? Half full or half empty?
He reminded me that though his heart ached for her and he wanted so much for her to be here celebrating 8 months of life too, he had to look at the positives.
We have had so many things happen to us in the last 8 months. So many ups and downs.
Just in the last few weeks alone we have had a list of things happen to us...
Rick had to have and emergency appendectomy.
Both our cars broke down.
Our renters are moving out of our rental property.
And we have some very sick loved ones.
It seems like every time we turn around, something bad is happening to us... again.
Half full? Sure seems half empty to me.
Sometimes that's hard.
At least he wasn't still in China when his appendix burst. ~half full
At least we own a car/s and can afford to fix them. ~half full
At least we have a home to rent out allowing us to live where we do. ~half full
At least we have our health. ~ half full
At least we have our other precious children. ~half full
And of course, we did get Madeline for two days rather than not at all. ~half full
Rick reminded me too, that God is blessing us so much again. We are so in love with Jonah Asher and are dying to meet him. We can't wait to hold him in our arms and love him to pieces. There is just so much to be grateful for...
It's all about how you look at life.
Once I got over my pity party of missing my girl. I picked myself up and got ready for the day.
Rick took us shopping at Babies R Us and the Mall and spoiled us rotten. We shopped for Jonah. We shopped for the boys. And for each other. I found myself smiling and laughing and happy again. I had one of the best days in a long time. Completely happy and in love with my boys.
I know I hurt much because I miss her much and that's okay. As long as at the end of the day, I remember how blessed I truly still am.
As we sat down to dinner that night, I realized this once again.
I have been blessed. God's been so good to me. Precious are His thoughts of you and me. No way I can count them, there's not enough time. So I'll just thank Him for being so kind. God has been good. So good. I have been blessed.
Rick was right. I can mope and cry and be depressed that Maddie Grace is not here. And honestly, I have every right too.
But, how much better is life when I view it half full?
A lot fuller, that's for sure. =)
Missing you my love... But thankful to have known you. <3