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September 6, 2011

Half full...

Well today marks what would have been Maddie Grace's 8 month birthday.

My heart is broken.

I woke up yesterday so so sad. Probably the saddest I have been in a while. Rick was home since it was Labor Day and I made big breakfast for him and the boys. We spent the morning around the house organizing some things and spending time together. I'm so glad Rick was home, God just knew I was going to need him that day.

One thing I love is when people tell me they have been thinking of Maddie Grace. There is nothing sweeter to me than hearing people speak her name and talk of her. If you know someone who has lost a child or children, I want to encourage you not to be afraid to bring their names up. It really helps heal to hear their names spoken and to know they are remembered.

So, I talked to my sweet friend Jenny that morning and she told me that she had been thinking about Madeline a lot this week. She even told me that she got teary eyed when seeing another baby around the age Maddie would be if she were here. It made her so sad, she had to leave her Church service but it meant so much that she was thinking of her. She misses my little girl too.

Then I got another message from my sweet friend Kelsey who was telling me of another family who lost their 2nd precious little girl recently. She also told me of a little birdie who came to visit her, which of course made her think of Maddie. It made me smile to think that she too was thinking of my little girl.

She has touched so many lives and hearts.

But today, and yesterday, she has really touched mine.

I couldn't stop crying. I cried and cried yesterday.

Rick tried to console me. He told me how how much he missed her too.

Then he reminded me something we all know well. Something that we all have heard at some point in our lives.

How do we view our glass? Half full or half empty?

He reminded me that though his heart ached for her and he wanted so much for her to be here celebrating 8 months of life too, he had to look at the positives.

Half full.

We have had so many things happen to us in the last 8 months. So many ups and downs.

Just in the last few weeks alone we have had a list of things happen to us...

Rick had to have and emergency appendectomy.
Both our cars broke down.
Our renters are moving out of our rental property.
And we have some very sick loved ones.

It seems like every time we turn around, something bad is happening to us... again.

Half full? Sure seems half empty to me.

Sometimes that's hard.

But...

At least he wasn't still in China when his appendix burst. ~half full
At least we own a car/s and can afford to fix them. ~half full
At least we have a home to rent out allowing us to live where we do. ~half full
At least we have our health. ~ half full
At least we have our other precious children. ~half full
And of course, we did get Madeline for two days rather than not at all. ~half full

Rick reminded me too, that God is blessing us so much again. We are so in love with Jonah Asher and are dying to meet him. We can't wait to hold him in our arms and love him to pieces. There is just so much to be grateful for...

It's all about how you look at life.

Once I got over my pity party of missing my girl. I picked myself up and got ready for the day.

Rick took us shopping at Babies R Us and the Mall and spoiled us rotten. We shopped for Jonah. We shopped for the boys. And for each other. I found myself smiling and laughing and happy again. I had one of the best days in a long time. Completely happy and in love with my boys.

I know I hurt much because I miss her much and that's okay. As long as at the end of the day, I remember how blessed I truly still am.

As we sat down to dinner that night, I realized this once again.

I have been blessed. God's been so good to me. Precious are His thoughts of you and me. No way I can count them, there's not enough time. So I'll just thank Him for being so kind. God has been good. So good. I have been blessed.

Rick was right. I can mope and cry and be depressed that Maddie Grace is not here. And honestly, I have every right too.

But, how much better is life when I view it half full?

A lot fuller, that's for sure. =)

God Bless,
Natalie

Missing you my love... But thankful to have known you. <3

9 comments:

  1. Sometimes it is hard to look at our life as half full but when you write out all of your blessing and time...it makes it easier to see things full rather than empty. So sorry that yesterday was a hard day...it's like a never ending pain that is always triggered by something. :( Thinking of you ((Hugs))

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  2. Happy 8 months Maddie! Natalie, I'm so sorry you had a hard day yesterday, but so happy to hear how it was turned around by your boys. :) You truly are an inspiration to many people!

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  3. Natalie,

    Your faith and words are an inspiration! Thank you so much for doing God's work and touching so many lives. What a beautiful and meaningful plan the Lord has through your precious Maddie's life. She has touched so many peoples hearts. I am so sorry you are going through the heartache of missing your baby girl. She will never be forgotten. And she will forever live through the family that loves and adores her so much. As proud as you all are of her, she is just as proud of her family. For you are doing so right by her in honoring her precious life and showing God's grace and glory through her story. When I look at her picture I can get a glimpse of how beautiful her spirit is. She is gorgeous!!!

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  4. Natalie, I want to thank you for continuing your posts, and sharing your feelings. You don't know how much you challenge me with every one that you write. My husband (EJ) has used your family's testimony in his messages at our church. It's awesome how you have let God use you through your loss, and Maddie has certainly touched many lives. You and your family continue to be in our prayers daily. I know God has great plans for your family and for little Jonah! Love and Prayers, Lacey Lamb

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  5. Such a great post my friend!!! I have went through a tough time recently with a "so called" friend and you are exactley right... Half full is the way to view things.. Everything happens for a reason and God puts people in our lifes for a season sometimes to help guide us the rest of the way through life. Life is good and so is God! He knows exactley what we need,.. You are very blessed.. We all are looking at the glass half full!!!! Praying for you still!!!!

    Much Love,
    Angel King

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  6. I am sorry for your sad day but Natalie I really needed to read this tonight. WE found out our kids will be leaving soon and well, I am having a pitty party. All I want is to have kids that stay with me forever that are OURS!! BUT our glass is half full too. And you reminded me of this. I mean here we are doing what God has ask of us and actually making a difference! Most never get this chance!

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  7. Thank you for being such an inspiration. I was just about to allow myself to get down in the dumps over the two miscarriages I've had recently. I felt God leading me to your blog. (I've been reading a couple of months) You bless me on a regular basis. How full is my cup? Very full. I have a precious 3 year old little girl who is healthy and such a blessing. Many couples try for years only to find out they will never be able to conceive. The Lord has allowed me to have one precious baby, and if it's his will, I will have more. Until then...I'm enjoying a full cup. Thanks for the reminder. I think I'll pass on the pity party I was about to have :) Praying for you and think about your family daily.
    Shannon

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  8. Every time I read your blog I come away instructed and encouraged! Thanks for bringing needed truths into my life!

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  9. Thank you Natalie...I love reading your heart on this blog. You thought you would be the one to teach your little girl things, but she (with the Lord) has been the one teaching and showing you so many things. I loved this post. You are amazing and I have so much admiration for you. <3 Love you
    P.S She will never be forgotten. I can promise you that for as long as I live, I will remember your little girl, and so will many others. She was here. She was real, and she existed. But I think it has been her "absence" that has had the most impact on each of us. What a job she is doing for the Lord!

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