We are busy around here but I wanted to take a little time to post an update.
Last week I went to the Doctor to check on little baby "hope."
When I got to the Doctor, I was a ball of nerves as usual. I just wanted to hear the heartbeat and know everything was okay.
They had me fill out my paper work and pre-registration forms. The whole time I was filling them out , I just kept thinking "I just did this..." It was a mixture of sadness and excitement for me. Sadness because I loved every second of being in the hospital and the memories of Maddie's perfect delivery and day there. Excitement because I'm hoping this time around will be just as happy, but this baby will come home to stay. So many different emotions.
After I went through my routine of checking blood pressure/ weight etc, It was finally time to listen to the heartbeat. It's something I dream about. I remember after Maddie passed away, I could still hear the little fetal heartbeat in my dreams. There is just no sweeter sound.
So, after a quick hello to my favorite nurse and everything was set, my Doctor came in to check on the baby. I laid back anticipating hearing that precious sound.
My doctor was moving the Doppler around and pointing out the different sounds to me. But we couldn't find baby's heartbeat... I was a mess. Tears were welling up in my eyes and I just started thinking all the "what ifs."
After a few more minutes, my sweet Doctor said that sometimes the heartbeats are hard to find at this stage and suggested we take a peek at the baby on ultrasound.
Walking down the hallway, I was so scared. I have been in this very place at almost this exact stage in my pregnancy and there never was another heartbeat. I had lost that little one. So I just started praying.
My Doctor seemed to think that everything was just fine, and he assured me that we would see a happy healthy baby.
He was right. =)
As soon as he started the ultrasound, there was our little one jumping around like a jumping bean. It had a good strong heartbeat and everything looked perfect.
It was a little too soon to see what the gender was, but I didn't even care. I was just so happy that our little baby hope was okay. God is good.
Meet our little guy/girl. <3
After the ultrasound, my Doctor came back in in to let me know that everything once again looks great and not to change one thing. He told me that we have a lot to look forward to and that this baby will help us so much. He's right. He really truly cares about Rick and I and how we are doing. He's more than just a Doctor, he's a friend. He goes above and beyond to help us feel good. I don't know many Doctors like that. He really is one in a million.
So, after an emotional appointment, everything was great. I left that day with a smile on my face and my baby's sweet picture in my hand. God is good.
I miss Maddie so much, but God is good. He is giving us a glimmer of hope through a time when all hope seemed lost. I'm so grateful for this.
Today Maddie Grace would be turning 5 months old. It's still hard to believe that this much time has passed. I wonder so many things, but I know God has a plan.
Please continue to pray for us as the pregnancy progresses and as we still miss our little girl.
I appreciate you all being here and continuing to walk this road with us. It means the world to me.
Much Love, Natalie